Anyway, in the spirit of preserving memories for posterity, I will tell you how I feel exactly at this time, on this day in July 2011, when I am trying to juggle my new freelance gig with my home life.
This. Is. Hard.
It's like I had this old basic framework for all the days of my life:
Get up. Feed cat. Clean kitchen. Feed self and child. Go to gym. Perform various chores and errands. Write blog post. Eat lunch. Fun afternoon activity with child. Make dinner. Bedtime routine for child. Leisure time for self. (With mundane activities like going to the bathroom and copious Internet surfing peppered throughout.)
While of course that is over-simplifying my day-to-day life by a lot, because obviously there are many, many variations on the activities of a typical day, my point is that I felt busy enough just keeping up with the rhythms of basic life maintenance activities.
Now it's like I have that same framework, but I'm trying to cram in working among all those existing responsibilities:
Get up. Feed cat. Dammit I should be working. Write blog post. Feed self and child. Decide to skip gym because dammit I should be working. Plop child in front of television while I work. Shoot, it's already lunchtime and I haven't accomplished enough. After lunch try to get child engaged in some activity more wholesome than television, but which makes a giant mess that I have to clean up. Work and stuff, possible errands and chores. Oh no, I maybe should think about making dinner for us. Eat dinner. Clean up after dinner. Cram in more work while Nathan runs around with Bill. Crap, why is Nathan still up? I need to get him to bed. I suck as a parent and an employee. Get Nathan ready for bed, read books, get him to sleep. Possibly force self up to do more work if I have any brain cells left. Oh shoot I never folded the laundry and every room of my house is mes--CONK OUT.
I was talking about my concerns with a friend of mine who I really admire for her ability to work a full-time job from home with two young kids. She said her secret is having really low standards for everything: cleanliness, laundry, meals, whatever. I feel like if you looked around my house right now you'd think my standards were pretty low. Most of the rooms are messy and there's a big wad of clean laundry waiting to be folded. I'm failing at the gym, and it's a rare day that all three meals are prepared at home. I use the TV as a babysitter.
I realize that in saying all this I come across as a whiner, and that is because I am a whiner. I wanted to work, and now I have work, and it's pretty awesome, but it's not without its challenging transition period.
But I could sit around and whine, or I could do something about it.
I choose whining.
Just kidding, but I'm actually not going to make any dramatic changes right now because this influx of work is only temporary. However, my goal for the future is to get a steady enough stream of work that I can justify making some serious changes around here.
The thing is, that goal is actually not new. My goal when I was pregnant with Nathan was to quit my full-time job and cobble together enough freelance work that I could afford a part-time babysitter and a cleaning lady. Well, plans changed and I worked out a part-time deal with my employer instead, and then I went full-time, and then I quit altogether and was a schlub for 2 1/2 years, and then ... now. I don't regret the path I took at all. I'm not usually one for inspirational quotes, but:
I don't know who Asha Tyson is. And those aren't my nails. Oh, a Google search tells me Asha Tyson is a dumb motivational speaker. My name is Matt Foley, and I live in a van down by the river!
Anyway, I am happy, but I have challenges. And I have goals. And I have a lot of work to do, so I should not be writing this blog post. So bye.
1 comment:
hahaha you are AWESOME. Yes, it is hard, but don't you feel better? Just a little?
Get to work! :)
Post a Comment