This Could be the Start of Something Big

I've been thinking a lot lately about doing things exactly "right" in life. You know, following the conventional route?

I got good grades in high school. I did all kinds of extracurricular activities that would look good on my college application. I went to college. I got a job. I got married. I got a different job. I had my first baby. And then ...

SMACK.

That was the sound of me hitting a wall while traveling at a warp speed of do-gooder-ness and met societal expectations.

I was supposed to have another baby.

I know what you're all going to say. There is no "supposed to." This is 21st-century America. We've had The Pill for 50 years, giving women the freedom to choose to have as many or as few children as they want. In fact, Shannon, didn't you just read an entire book about the history and societal implications of The Pill?

Well, yes, those are good points. And no, I didn't read the entire book. I got bored with it halfway through and ditched it for some YA fiction.

Anyway, I get the point that I shouldn't feel like I have to do what society wants. But I still do feel that way.

I feel like the logical explanation women give for not wanting another baby has to do with focusing on their careers. And the logical explanation for that, when applied to my own life is, What career?!

In her book, Tina Fey talks about the agony of deciding whether to have another baby or focus on her career. At first she made me feel better, talking about how she wakes up in the middle of the night anxiously debating this decision in her head, and about how all this anxiety came to a head at her annual gynecologist appointment, where she just broke down in tears. Wow, I thought, I can relate. Tina Fey is just like me. Tina Fey worries about these things too.

Except.

I am not at the helm of an award-winning TV show. I am not really at the helm of anything. Having a baby wouldn't put 200 people temporarily out of work while I go on maternity leave. I wouldn't even go on maternity leave. I don't really have a job. I didn't win the Mark Twain Humor Prize or write a socially-relevant movie about the relationship dynamics of teenage girls starring Lindsey Lohan. I didn't write a book.

So it isn't Baby vs. Career. It is, maybe, Baby vs. Sanity. But more importantly, I'd like it to be Baby vs. Fill-in-the-Blank.

And I'd like to choose Fill-in-the-Blank.

What I mean is, I want to do something really great. I just don't know what it is.

I get this same inspired feeling after I see one of those feel-good movies where the credits roll against a cloudy blue sky while an epic, sweeping John Williams score plays. And the inspiration usually plays out like the following:

Wow, I kind of really feel like if that blind guy with no legs who was a sharecropper's son could go on to start a chain of successful frozen yogurt franchises, I could do something really awesome too. Oh, I have to stop at the bathroom on the way out.

And then the bathroom line is really long, and by the time I get to the front I've forgotten all about my inspiring mission in life and instead try to remember where I parked the car.

Anyway, I know how dumb this sounds, but I've had this feeling like a really awesome opportunity is going to present itself to me soon. I write a Technorati Top 10,000 blog, right? (NOTE: The "Technorati Top 10,000" is not really a thing.) The offers should just start pouring in.

Last week I had the same feeling, and all that happened was some anonymous person left a semi-mean comment on my blog. But hey, you're nobody 'til somebody hates you, right?

This week, however, I did get the best freebie offer that I've gotten in my blogging career. Yes, I know that Heather Armstrong got a free washing machine, but I am going to get a free bra. And I checked, and the company that's giving it to me (along with alcohol, food, and a free fitting) charges like $50 for their bras, so that's about 3x as much as I currently pay for my bras at Target. And I think, I think the invite said I'd get one to give away on my blog. (I mean, the contest winner could specify the size, I think. Right?)

Yes, I know, I shouldn't expect that book deal just yet. And I also know that great opportunities don't just present themselves. You have to go and seek them out. But where? It's not like most great opportunities are posted on Career Builder.

So, I should ... what? Hope and pray? Hand out my business card on street corners? Practice The Secret?

I don't know, but I think something big is going to happen.