Virtual Coffee

So, recently I found this blog, Lucky Number 13, written by a woman named Amy who I don't know IRL. Every Tuesday, Amy hosts a blogging carnival called Virtual Coffee. The idea behind Virtual Coffee is that you write an unplanned blog post about random topics, the kinds of topics you might discuss over coffee with a friend. And then you link up to Amy's blog, and everybody reads each other's posts, and it's like we're having coffee together.

I thought this would be a perfect carnival for me. I like to drink coffee and write random, unplanned blog posts! So, here goes, my very first Virtual Coffee!

First off, a story about coffee! So, you might recall that on Saturday I suggested that caffeine was making me too jittery, and that maybe I should cut back. Okay, I should have considered cutting back, but instead I decided on Sunday to just completely go cold turkey. I don't know what on earth made me think I could quit caffeine altogether, other than the pure hubris that led me to believe that I wasn't one of those people who is totally dependent on caffeine.

Stop laughing.

Anyway, so I started the day with a big mug of peppermint tea, and a strong urge to punch somebody. I worked out at the gym (natural high!) and then took my kid to the mall. On the way we ended up at Wendy's on a bathroom stop, and so I decided we would just eat lunch there. I was jonesing for a Diet Coke about then, and was about to have one, until I discovered that an entirely new world of fast-food drink options had been opened up to me in the form of this awesome new drink machine at Wendy's. It has 106 drink choices! One hundred six. And the touch-screen guides you through a couple of menus, one to choose your basic drink, and one to choose your flavoring. It's like a giant iPad that serves soda! Anyway, I ended up with Strawberry Sprite Zero. It was kind of gross.

So, by 12:30 we were at the mall and I was on NO CAFFEINE, and watching my kid ride the little Thomas train and considering snuggling up with the little bears at the nearby Hallmark store for a nap. Fortunately the mall has a Starbucks kiosk ... and that was where my no-caffeine attempts ended.

So, I'm back on coffee. But I have started adding milk to it. That's the big news with me.

Actually, the really big news with me, or with my relatives at least, is that one of the upcoming babies growing in one of my sisters-in-law is a girl! You recall yesterday that I told you that both of my brothers' wives are pregnant with their firsts, and that I predicted that both would be boys. Well, I'm happy to say that I've already been proven wrong by ultrasonic technology! When I got the text about the sex of the baby, I was in a mall, and it was all I could do not to just leave my child in the inflatable playground and book it to the Baby Gap to buy out their entire selection of pink frilly stuff.

And if you were paying close attention, you would realize that I was at the mall two days in a row. But in my defense, it was two different malls. And I didn't intend to go to the mall yesterday. I intended to take my kid to this educational and enriching childrens' museum, but like every other children's facility it is closed on Mondays, so I turned to the nearby mall for his indoor energy-burning entertainment. Because it's January and we're all trapped indoors and the irony is that this weather makes adults sleepier and yet somehow gives children more energy.

Does anybody else feel like January is like being tossed around in a clothes dryer? Not because of the dry, blazing heat that's blasted in all indoor areas, but because it just feels like we're trapped and spinning around and around and around doing the same things over and over. And you know there's no way out, and you're just trying to make it through the day.

But thankfully, I do have a bit of an outlet in the form of the show I'll be doing next week! For those who may be just joining us, let me bring you up to speed. Although I have no performing arts experience whatsoever (at least in my adult life), I decided to try out for my local community theater show, Salute to Tony Winners. I am the emcee/joke-teller person! And I got to write the script. So, yesterday I went to watch the singers and dancers rehearse. The majority of the participants in this play are in about fifth grade, and each one of them has about the combined energy of a room full of three-year-old boys. But there are some adults in the show who are also pretty talented. (Although even the "older" performers are about college-age, and last night I was talking to one of the guys about how the guy from Benson had replaced Michael Crawford as the male lead in Phantom of the Opera, and then I had to explain to the guy what Benson was, and how it came on after Webster, and blah blah blah I'm from the 80s.)

Speaking of the 80s, have you checked out Claire's accessories lately? Obviously I have, because I was in a mall for the last two days. Everything they have is from the 80s, which is actually a good thing because I'm doing a bit in the show where I need some garish 80s clothing. But anyway, I was browsing through the racks of earrings there, because even though I'm a fully grown Midwest suburban housewife schlub, I'm still attracted to little earrings shaped like dinosaurs and fast food. I tried to be a little bit more understated in my purchases (for my real-life, not for the show), and I thought maybe wearing earrings of hamburgers and milkshakes might make people think wow, no wonder she's fat. But I did get an assortment of earrings that look like gummi bears! They're posts, not dangling ones, so I hope they won't be too obnoxious.

But I was gonna say that half the stuff they sell at Claire's is exact replicas of the stuff I had in the 80s and threw out. Damn, if only I could be a bit more of a hoarder.

On that note, I have to get going. I have to drop off my kid at preschool, and then I have my trainer at the gym, and then I'm getting a pedicure because tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY! Thanks for having coffee with me.