Let's go on with the show!

So, today is the show. Two shows, actually. And then one tomorrow.

Last night we had our last dress rehearsal. I don't know if it was the excess caffeine, or the stage fright, or the irritating florescent lights in the park district basement, but I started to have a full-blown panic attack. I have to do this in front of people. These jokes aren't funny! The hair-teasing totally didn't work. My shoes are ugly.

But then I saw the program for the show:


And that is my name, my name on the cover! And oh my gosh, you guys, I know this is just a dumb community theater show, one whose only attendees are going to be family members and friends of performers, but I could not be prouder. In the middle of my monotonous life where all I do is cook meals nobody likes and wipe my kid's butt, I went out and did something different. I stuck my neck out. I took a chance.

I wrote that script.

And I know this isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. But I realized something when I went downstairs to scan the program into the computer. I had to use the computer that Bill mostly uses. I noticed up on the screen he had a document open, some kind of publication he had written for a professional journal. It had his name right in the file name, and then again at the top of the page. And it made me realize how often he gets to see his name in print. And I know it's not as often as he would like, and I know it's harder to get published in a professional journal than it is to write a script for a community theater show.

But still, I never get to see my name in print. I never get the glory. How often do we refer to some woman we know through our children as simply "So-and-So's Mom"?

But that program doesn't say "Script by Nathan's Mom." It says "Script by Shannon Ford."

I could have grown complacent in my boring life of housewife schlubbery, simply saying that I'm raising a kid and that's enough. But I didn't. I did something for me.

And I was trying to think of a way to incorporate this situation into Neil Armstrong's famous quote, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." But you know what, it's not a small step for me. It might seem like a small step, but really it is a giant leap.

I was gonna get on here and complain about some last-minute cuts that got made to my script. I was gonna ponder whether Tina Fey has to deal with such injustices. I was gonna freak out about how my dress makes me look fat and I have no idea how to do my hair.

I was also gonna tell you that I'm more excited and more nervous than I have been about anything since Nathan's birth. And then I was gonna make one more remark that belittles the caliber of community theater.

But really, to me, this is huge. I'm not exaggerating in the slightest when I tell you that my computer screen is blurry from tears and I have snot dripping down my face right now. That's how proud I am.

I wrote that script.