The 'I Am Awesome' Button

I have written before (here, here, and here) about my unfortunate tendency to compare myself to other people.

Now, as a comparer, there is one personality type that I particularly don't mesh well with:

The Bragger.

You know The Bragger. She makes statements like the following:

"My child never [insert undesirable, inappropriate behavior here]."

"My child always [insert totally awesome behavior here]."

"I tell my kids [insert some sort of sage advice pertaining to a subject matter that it never even occurred to you to be concerned about here.]"

The Bragger works out harder than you do, even though she is eight months pregnant and has two broken legs. She would never eat that crap you eat. She's got a full homeschool curriculum going for her five kids under age six. Pretty much every possible thing you think you're bad at, The Bragger is good at.

And she has to tell you about it.

Now, in my heart of hearts, I know that The Bragger's confidence is all a facade. In actuality, The Bragger is more insecure than any of the rest of us, and she brags because she's hoping people will respond with the compliments she so desperately needs.

But to somebody like me who has a very strong tendency to beat herself up, every comment from The Bragger tends to set off this sort of internal negative dialogue in my head. Oh my gosh, she is so much better at this than I am. What's wrong with me that I can't do that? I should have done that a long time ago. Dammit, I've already screwed this up. And not only do I suck at that, I also suck at this, that, and the other. And I'm fat.

And the thing is, it's hard for me to snap out of my own insecurity and fake any kind of enthusiasm when giving The Bragger the compliment she's fishing for. So I was thinking, to help me deal with The Bragger, I would get some buttons that say "I Am Awesome" and carry them around in my purse. And then every time The Bragger starts horn-tooting about some great thing she did, I will just root around in my purse while saying, "Oh my gosh, that's great that your child never had a bottle as a baby, only ate homemade organic baby food, and now doesn't know what a Pop-Tart is. Please allow me to present you with an 'I Am Awesome' button."

Because, really, The Bragger is looking for some kind of recognition. And you're looking for some kind of way to shut The Bragger up. The "I Am Awesome" Button accomplishes both of these goals. Win-win!

I did a Google search, and it turns out there are many varieties of the "I Am Awesome" button for sale. Such as:

Or perhaps you'd like one with a smiley-face:


Maybe you'd like something simple and one-worded:


Maybe something name tag-like:



Or perhaps you know somebody who is so awesome that she's beyond awesome:

Any of these buttons, or several others like them, would be very useful in dealing with that person you know who just needs to shut her pie-hole.

And it's not just for moms! The "I Am Awesome" button can be used with annoying people at work, the gym, at parties ... pretty much anywhere you encounter people who annoy the crap out of you with their incessant boasting!

Order your buttons today! I'm going to!