Solitude

The response to yesterday's post was amazing. I enjoyed hearing such reassuring words and "me too"s from you guys. It's fun to hear from people I don't know IRL, because it means that blogging can reach people you wouldn't reach otherwise. But it's also fun, in an equal but totally different way, to hear from people I do know IRL, because they often share feelings that don't come up in everyday "Hey, how are you?" small talk conversations.

Oh, and I'd like to welcome a new reader, my husband, who saw yesterday's post advertised on Facebook, thought the title was overwhelmingly sad, and brought me home the most beautiful, longest-stemmed red roses ever. And said, "I just want you to be happy, Shannon."

See? Blogs get through to people in ways that day-to-day conversation can't. Mostly because the day-to-day conversation with my husband are less about feelings and more about poker TV shows, specifically my desire not to watch them.

Anyway, enough feelings stuff.

The title of my post comes from the fact that I am home alone for an entire hour! I signed Nathan up for this little class at the high school, where the high school students run a preschool to learn about what little kids are like (answer: annoying). It's only $75 for a 90-minute class that meets twice a week from now until Memorial Day. And the best part is that there's a drive-through drop-off and pickup.

Except today was the first day, and so I decided to walk him in, which meant I had to navigate the parking lot at the high school. When I got there, it was a passing period, and a whole bunch of students were walking across the parking lot. Is it weird that throngs of teenagers still make me nervous? Like, OMG, I might be going the wrong way, or in the wrong parking lot, and they're all looking at me and judging me. I generally spent most of my own teenage years worried about doing the wrong thing and having people judge me.

I generally spend most of my time now worrying about doing the wrong thing and having people judge me, but I guess in a different way. Like, now the mistakes I make aren't about inconsequential things like having the wrong kind of backpack. Now the mistakes I make could screw up an entire human being.

Oh well, Nathan is dropped off, and I'm home alone. Which is especially pleasant because I had an extra-crazy morning, having had to babysit for this 19-month-old who belongs to my former landlords. He hadn't been over here in 4 months, which is like a million years in toddler years, so he didn't really remember me, and he screamed when his parents left. And then I had to go meet with my trainer, so the kid had to go to the gym daycare with Nathan, and he cried there. But apparently in the two hours he was there, he became the daycare worker's BFF, so upon my return he cried again. And then we went to the McDonald's playland, because what kid wouldn't want to go to a McDonald's playland? Except he just sat there, intermittently crying and refusing to eat. I felt like I had to explain to people that he wasn't my kid, so they wouldn't think, Geez, why can't that woman shut up her own kid?

See, still worried about being judged.

Anyway Nathan is not at all nurturing, and was generally acting like a little shit to this child, and so I had some panic about how I'm screwing him up by not giving him siblings.

See, still worried about making mistakes.

Oh well, the other kid has now been picked up, Nathan is at the high school, and I'm at home. Things are good. Except I have to swing by Weight Watchers on the way to picking up Nathan, because it works out well for geographical reasons, and I'm dreading that like nobody's business. The first trip back is so hard. My brother said once that Weight Watchers should have a sign over their door saying, Well, look who came crawling back.

And BTW, since Leigh Ann mentioned "baby weight," let me say that all the weight I have to lose is "post-baby weight." A.K.A., "Oh, we can't let those French fries go to waste" weight. I admit it, sometimes I order Nathan something that comes with fries just so I can eat some of them.

In other news, I am reading the best book right now. It's called Left Neglected by Lisa Genova. It's about this woman who has a crazy lifestyle as a mother of three with a very demanding career, and then one day on the way to work she gets in a horrible car accident. The accident leaves her with brain damage to the right hemisphere of her brain, which means she has a condition call Left Neglect, wherein she can't see the left side of anything. But, it's not like she's blind, she's just totally unaware of the left, can't turn to the left, and can't voluntarily move her left side. She only eats food off the right side of her plate, only puts on makeup on her right side, and can only see the right side of the page in a book. And, you know, this tragic accident gives her pause to look at her crazy life and make some changes so she can focus on what's important. I just really like the book because it covers two of my interests, work-life balance and psychology.

I would like to sit around and read this book all afternoon, but I have to take Nathan to ice skating. We are over-scheduled at the moment, but only because today is the last day of ice skating and the first day of his class at the high school.

So, I don't know what this post was really about. Friends, babysitting, insecurity, weight loss, books ... kind of a smattering of everything.

Have a good weekend, you guys!