Shannon + Yoga = EPIC FAIL

So, as you know, I have a long history of failing at yoga. I thought this time around I had finally found a yoga I liked with my current park district A.M. Yoga class. And this class does have some things going for it. The location and time are good; it's in the same building as Nathan's preschool, at the exact same time I drop him off. The teacher is really nice and explains things very clearly. There's a lot of relaxation built in.

But that's the problem. It's very relaxation-oriented, which isn't a bad thing, but it's also not the least bit exercise-oriented. Now, I know I said that I didn't like the gym yoga because it's too exercise-oriented, so now I just sound like I'm too hard to please. And maybe that's true when it comes to yoga. Maybe it's time to give up on yoga.

As I said, it's not like the relaxation is a bad thing, especially for somebody like me who has ridiculous tendencies toward anxiety. Except this relaxation is really cutting into my workout time. See, I would normally work out while Nathan's at preschool, and instead I'm lying on the floor breathing at yoga. Now, I know flexibility is a major part of physical fitness, and I would be fine counting yoga as exercise if it was remotely challenging, flexibility-wise. But this class is really very senior-oriented, so the teacher says stuff like, "Now move your arm over to the right, if you can." Not at all a challenge.

So, to sum up, my problems with this class are: (1) it's at the wrong time of day to be getting all relaxed, and (2) it doesn't seem challenging enough to qualify as exercise. Potentially both of these problems could be solved due to the following turn of events: The instructor (who, again, I do like) has decided to quit teaching at the park district after this session (ending 2/24) and will only be teaching classes at a nearby church. She offers a few classes at the church, including one evening class. I'm hoping maybe an evening class will: (a) be less senior-oriented, (b) be at a good time of day to get relaxed, and (c) free up my morning time to go to the gym.
However, the yoga at the church is called something like "Yoga With a Spiritual Vein." Now, let me be very clear that I have no problem with any particular religion. I mentioned before that I don't like the Hindu-oriented yoga, and I don't want to try a Christian-oriented one, either. To me, focusing on spirituality requires a lot of mental energy, and I don't have a lot of mental energy when I'm expending a lot of physical energy trying to do yoga poses (plus trying to remember to breathe). I also think freaking out about whether or not I've had some major spiritual awakening kind of defeats the purpose of yoga.

So I'm thinking I just won't even try the teacher's class at the church. And I know, it doesn't hurt to try. In fact, this particular yoga setup is totally risk-free, because it's a pay-as-you-go kind of thing, so there's no major obligation there. (However, I do think $10/session is kind of steep. I'd rather see a movie for that amount.)

But, I just feel like I've been burned by yoga too many times to keep going here. Every class I've taken was too long or too hard or too easy. I like the idea of a DVD, although with a DVD there is never any variation on the poses or the stupid stuff the instructor says. I'm starting to think yoga is like the movie Goonies or hazelnut coffee: something that everybody else likes and I don't.

I'm frustrated that I can't enjoy yoga. It seems like everybody else loves yoga, and it always extolling the virtues of yoga. It's great for stress! It really tones your core! I'm one with the universe! I did yoga for a year and now my laundry folds itself!

I talked to the my trainer at the gym about my failure at yoga, and she suggested that maybe the solution was to do the Pilates Reformer training. The Pilates Reformer is this machine that apparently is some kind of miracle-worker in terms of toning. Here's a random photo I pulled off the Internet:


It looks kind of hard, but I do enjoy fun gadgetry. Also, as this shadow figure demonstrates, it's sexy, too:


So, I might be willing to give it a shot. Of course, it's a whole separate (huge) fee to do the reformer training. Bah. Oh well, if I finally find a flexibility-based exercise that I like, it's worth the money.

Meanwhile, I think I will use my yoga money to go to the movies. I could go out every Thursday evening, say I'm going to yoga, and then just sit through a 2-hour movie instead. Maybe I could become a movie buff. That's probably the only kind of buff I can hope for anyway.