Where's my rectangle?

Well, obviously, Jerry Seinfeld was hilarious. He did a bit about Pop-Tarts (parts of which I have heard him do before), in which he talked about how Pop-Tarts are in the shape of the box and have the same nutritional content as the box. And he talked about how there are two Pop-Tarts because there are two slots in a toaster, and they are the exact same shape as the toaster slots, so there is no thinking involved. "Thinking is the opposite of Pop-Tarts," he said. Best line of the night!

Also, it would seem that cell phones are the new airline peanuts when it comes to fodder for stand-up comics. Both the opening comic, Mario Joiner, and Seinfeld talked about how ridiculous people are getting about cell phones. Part of Seinfeld's bit was about the times you go out and think you forgot your cell phone, and you're frantically patting all your pockets saying, "WHERE'S my RECTANGLE?!" Rectangle, hahahahaha. But you probably had to be there for that one, because he did it in his trademark Seinfeld comedic tone. (What's the deal with cell phones?)

Anyway it was an overall good night, and the babysitter worked out fine. And Nathan went to bed in his own bed, no problem, by himself. I'm starting to think that the whole need to have somebody lie next to him while he falls asleep is mother-specific, because he goes to bed just fine by himself when Bill tells him to.

So when we got home the house was clean and my kid was sleeping, and this morning when Nathan woke me up at 6:30 with his trademark, "Get up! It's DAY!" I was a little less resentful than usual.

My New Year's resolution is to stop being so resentful, but that's a story for another post.

Anyway, so today we are switching over from babysitter-prep mode to trip-prep mode. Why is it that preparing to go on a trip feels like you were just told you have a week to live? I have to get my affairs in order! We can't leave for a trip if the laundry room is a mess! I have to get through this stack of mail before we leave! Have I made amends with all my enemies before leaving for this trip?

And that's on top of all the things you have to do to prepare for the trip specifically, such as doing laundry, buying timers for your lights, and going to Target approximately 57 times because you forgot something important the last time you went to Target. Trips generate the need for such stupid stuff, such as the purchase of a brand-new activity book and box of crayons for Nathan, despite the fact that he already owns more crayons than will fit in his designated crayon box. If it weren't for trips, would anybody be buying these dumb coloring and activity books? If anybody should be upset about the new TSA security measures, it's the Children's Activity Book Lobby. If airport security scares off all the potential travelers, who will buy Santa's Jumbo Book of Fun?

Oh and BTW, I suck at these activity books designed for children. I'm terrible at "Spot the differences between the two elves." I'm also bad at the activities where you have to unscramble words. I have always loved words, but only when they are spelled in the correct order. What the hell are ANATS and OLEIMSTET? And forget those logic puzzles that go like this:

Red, Ned, Ted, and Fred each have a different-colored ornament and a different flavor of Christmas cookie. Use the clues to match each person with the right ornament and cookie. Red doesn't like chocolate. Ned's ornament is green. Ted is from Ohio. Fred secretly likes to wear women's undergarments.

Thankfully my kid isn't old enough for these kinds of puzzles, because the last thing any three-year-old has is logic. When he is old enough to do these kinds of puzzles, I'm turning him over to his father, who actually enjoys these kinds of things.

Anyway, for now my kid enjoys haphazardly scribbling over Santa's face in purple. So we have to go get a coloring book, along with little bottles of shampoo, new earbuds for my iPod, vodka, etc.

Thankfully I have already taken care of the most illogical-and-yet-necessary errand, the pre-trip eyebrow wax. I always have to have my eyebrows perfectly up-to-date before leaving, because the length of the trip always seems to be the exact length of time that it takes my eyebrows to grow out. This eyebrow rule somehow seems to hold true even when my trip lasts only a weekend.

So I have already done the eyebrow wax, as you can see it this dorky "stick out your hand" photo from last night on the train. Lest you think I'm so self-centered as to only photograph myself, I will say that Bill was in the photo too, but I think he would be mad if I showed him. So I cropped him out for purposes of this blog post.

So, at least I have my eyebrows under control. Everything else will come.

Until tomorrow, everyone.