Date Night

Ght.Let's flash back about 4 years to when I was pregnant with Nathan. I was terrified. Not so much terrified of the birth part, which is what a normal person would be terrified about, but about the whole part after the birth where I'd have to parent another human being for 18+ years.

I'm still a little bit terrified, but that's beside the point.

Anyway, I think the scariest part back then was the fact that, for Bill and me, it would be the end of just us. You know what I mean? Like, for the rest of time, it wouldn't be just the two of us day in and day out, but instead there would be another (very needy) human being coming between us.

People professed to us, ad nauseum, that the remedy to the loss of post-baby couple time was to schedule regular date nights. Let's just get it out of the way that I think date night is a stupid term. Why are you going out on dates when you're already married?

But I guess the concept of the date night is appealing. What's not to love? It's a fun time with delicious food that you don't have to cook, and no demanding little person interrupting you. YES! said the 2006 me. I would make sure that Bill and I had regular date nights after the baby was born!

Hahahahaha.

The first thing that happened was that the tiny person came into our lives, and we realized that we trusted no one to watch him. (I mean we would have trusted our relatives, but let's recall that they all live 1,800 miles away.) Before the baby is born, you swear you won't be those parents who think there isn't a single person smart and/or responsible enough to care for your precious genius of a child. But then the kid comes into your lives and you are overcome by the absolute unspeakable terror of anything bad ever happening to that kid. And all it would take would be one irresponsible act by a teenage babysitter, some innocent move like putting your newborn infant to bed with a blanket, and tragedy would strike.

We would never leave the house again.

People suggested that we do the whole date night thing after baby Nathan went to bed, and then we could just pay a babysitter to sit in our house and watch TV and eat our food. Why the hell would I pay money to somebody to do that? After Nathan was in bed, we could just hang out together at home. Plus, I was exhausted back then, and the idea of going out after 6:30 p.m., when it was dark, was just not appealing.

So we never went out when Nathan was a baby, which was actually not that big of a deal because when he was just a nonverbal blob, we could mostly carry on normal conversations in his presence anyway.

But now Nathan is 3 1/2 years old, and he's a bit of an interrupter. And normal family dinners at home consist largely of us trying to get Nathan to stay in his seat.

Plus I have to say that Nathan giving up his naps has added another challenge in our marriage. It used to be that Nathan napped away the afternoon, which meant I got a break, during which I usually took a nap myself. And when Bill got home from work around 7:00, we were all relatively chipper. Now the kid and I are awake, and together, for 12 excruciating hours, the last two of which are often really frustrating. And so by 7:00 (or later) when Bill walks in the door, I'm totally frazzled and exhausted and just begging to be alone. I can sometimes muster up enough energy to sit in front of the TV with him, although that assumes we can agree on what to watch, which doesn't always happen because some people want to watch Martha Stewart make adorable holiday wreaths with B-list celebrities, while some people want to watch some weird-ass show about characters called Frak-tons on the Sci-Fi network.

So, the husband and I haven't spent as much time together lately. For quite some time, I have known that I need to go ahead and schedule some of those date night thingies.

But ... Warning: Here comes some whining. Date nights seem like yet another thing on my to-do list. Like, it's not enough that I'm expected to raise this child and instill in him all the appropriate behavior, academic preparedness, and moral values (when all he really wants to do is throw fruit snacks behind the couch). I'm also expected to keep my house clean, my body fit, and keep my family well-fed with economically-priced healthy meals. It would be nice, says society, if I could also be running some sort of lucrative business or working at a fulfilling part-time career on the side. And on top of all that, I'm supposed to schedule date nights, too?

Now, obviously, if your children have grandparents in the area who can just pop over and babysit, for free, whenever you feel the need to go out, date nights might be a little bit simpler. But for some of us (cue world's tiniest violins), finding childcare is a task involving a little bit more hassle. There is no obvious babysitter choice in the form of a responsible teenage neighbor. I'm told that the teenage babysitter is kind of a myth from days of old anyway, because today's teens are too busy studying for their 57 AP exams or texting or something.

I have had some recommendations for babysitters over the years, but I have just been too lazy and/or scared to ever contact them. As I have said before, I don't feel comfortable being somebody's employer. I don't know how to convey the proper amount of seriousness (because, hello, I'm entrusting this person with my child), without sounding like a total bitch. And instead I come across as OMG I totally want to be your BFF, oh by the way would you mind not locking him in the bathroom for two hours like that? Thanksies!

(Let me note, for the sake of the poor girl coming to babysit for us, that she did not and would not lock Nathan in the bathroom for two hours. I don't mean to incriminate her. It was just a hypothetical situation mentioned for comedic effect. In case that wasn't totally obvious.)

So, now I'm looking at a situation where I, by myself, have to interview potential babysitters, which is both scary and awkward for me, not to mention another thing to do in my already busy day of surfing the Internet for several hours.

And then there's the not-so-small issue of the financial aspect of hiring a babysitter. At the going rate, your standard dinner-and-a-movie date night is going to run you about $40 in babysitting fees. There's no movie that's worth that much to me, and I don't so much want to spend dinner on edge because hello we've got a babysitter on the clock and you took 6 minutes to bring me my Diet Coke refill and that's $1 in babysitting time!

Plus I have to clean my house to a reasonably-sanitary state before this babysitter comes. And I have to feed my kid and the babysitter. When I was babysitting, the standard meal was pizza, which seems like an especially good idea when you're leaving for a trip soon and the only thing you have in your refrigerator is generic Kraft singles and some expired sushi.

More money, more effort.

So now I'm looking at hassle, hassle, hassle and money, money, money. And yes, I know date nights are cheaper/easier/more fun than marriage counseling and/or a divorce, so it's worth it to have couple time in the form of date nights.