As I have mentioned in the past, I am opposed to the playing of Christmas music before Thanksgiving. Remember in the movie About a Boy, where Hugh Grant really hated the Christmas song his father wrote, "Santa's Super Sleigh," despite the fact that he was living off the royalties from that song? And he was in the grocery store and they were playing the song, and he was lamenting how early it was to play holiday music, saying, "November the sodding 19th!" Well, that is how I felt when our local easy listening station, WLIT, switched over to all holiday music on November 12. November the sodding 12th!
You should not play Christmas music before Thanksgiving. But after Thanksgiving, when the weather is appropriately cold and/or snowy, I like to switch over to WLIT sometimes. I really like the song "O Holy Night," and also some of the kid-oriented ones like "Santa Claus is Coming To Town." I like to do the silly add-ons to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (like Pinocchio!) and recreate the hand motions to some of the songs we sang in elementary school chorus. (Yes, I am the dork doing hand motions in the car.)
But there are some Christmas songs that make me switch stations. They are:
"Baby, It's Cold Outside": Basically, this song is about Dean Martin trying to get some girlfriend to have a sleepover with him, using the adverse weather conditions as an excuse. He keeps pursuing, she keeps coyly saying no. At one point she says, "What's in this drink?" What did he do, try to roofie her? Hey, no means no, creep.
"Santa, Baby": I have to say what really poisoned this song for me was that I once saw an overly made-up tween performing this song at the mall, gyrating on the floor. But even before I was treated to that awesome visual, "Santa, Baby" kind of pissed me off. The woman seems so materialistic. And "slip a sable under the tree"? Fur is murder!
"I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas": Because the plural of "hippopotamus" is "hippopotami," dammit!
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus": So, embarrassing confession, I didn't realize until well into adulthood that the joke in this song is that the mom is kissing the dad dressed up as Santa Claus. (I also realized, around that same time, that the Target logo is actually a target. Yeah.) But anyway, it's a stupid song. Because even if the Santa is really the mom's husband, why would she be getting off on Santa? And it goes farther than kissing. The kid also saw Mommy tickle Santa Claus. And the idea of a kid thinking his mom is unfaithful to his dad, and that Santa Claus is some kind of adulterer, is upsetting to me.
"The Christmas Shoes": This is the one where the guy is in the store on Christmas Eve, and some kid comes in wanting to buy some shoes for his dying mother. And the kid doesn't have enough money for the shoes that ... hold on, choking up here ... his mom will wear to meet Jesus that night. His mom is dying. On Christmas Eve. Why would anybody write such a song? WHY?! This song is so emotionally manipulative, it's like the Jodi Picoult novel of holiday songs.
"Domenick the Donkey": Now, I only recently heard this song, which was originally written in 1960. It's about a donkey that helps pull Santa's sleigh in Italy, because the reindeer can't climb the steep hills there. If you've never heard it, and you want to, click here. I guess what bothers me is the cheesy Italian-style musical riffs, which sound like something from a pizza commercial. This song makes me glad I'm only half Italian.
Do you guys have any contributions to my list?
6 comments:
Hahahahaha, the Jodi Picoult novel of holiday songs. That's it exactly!
I hate "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Because, seriously, how is that festive or Christmasy?
I'm so with you on the "The Christmas Shoes" song. It kind of reminds me of an overly sappy email forward or something. I don't know if that even makes sense...
Kim, "The Christmas Shoes" probably was an e-mail forward first, and some drunk person dared his friend to write a song about it. And then it became a movie starring the girl from Father of the Bride. Because there's a feature-length film in that story.
haha! so true...
Shannon, I'm pretty sure at some point I needed extra christmas money so bad that i directed that gyrating santa baby tween, so I'm sorry if we ruined that for you. In my defense, it's hard to keep these kids from gyrating.
Also, my vote for least favorite holiday song is that country song about the little boy who gets on the CB and goes by the name of Teddy Bear and wants to ride in a truck before he dies. Then all the truckers come and give him rides. Then his mom gets on the CB and announces his death. My husband is telling me that's not a christmas song- just one that radio dj's make fun of for being a little bit pedophile. But I'm pretty sure I only hear it in winter.
Dawn, I haven't heard that song, but it sounds worse than "The Christmas Shoes." Pedophile-ish, indeed.
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