Judge not, lest ye want a good blog post

So, I received an e-mail with some real discount codes for the 1800baskets family.

• 1-800-FLOWERS.com - Promo Code = SHAWN

• 1-800-Baskets.com - Promo Code = SHAWN

• Cheryl’s - Promo Code = SHAWN

• The Popcorn Factory - Promo Code = SHAWN

• Winetasting.com - Promo Code = SHAWN

• Fannie May - Promo Code = 1225

I realize the code "SHAWN" sounds similar to "SHANNON," which was the fake code I gave yesterday. But I promise "SHAWN" is a real discount code.

Also, Similar to Shannon would have been another good name for this blog.

Okay, enough product-pitching. Now I will draw a line and talk about other stuff.

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First I will tell a story in which I sound mean and judgmental. That's the best kind of story, right?

So, the other day at the library I saw a family that could best be described as white trash. The mom had three kids and a baby. She overheard me saying something to Nathan, something that involved saying his name, and she said, "Oh, wait? What did you say his name was?"

Me: "Nathan."
Her: "Oh, his name is Lathan," pointing to the baby.

Now, what I wanted to say was, "Oh, what a coincidence that your kid's random, bastardized made-up name rhymes with my kid's normal, fairly common name." But I think I just smiled and said how cute Lathan was.

She went on to explain that she came up with Lathan's name while watching I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. First of all, you should never, ever use that show as your guide to baby names. In fact, I would say that if you have a name picked out for a baby and it's used on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, you should pick a new name. If you have an already-born child who has a name that is used on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, you should head over to the courthouse and see about changing that kid's name. Even if that kid is 15.

But wait! There's more. Lathan's mom explained that she was watching I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, and the whole episode she swore they were saying the kid's name was Lathan. Then at the end of the show, she discovered that the kid's actual name was the more normal Nathan. But by then she was in love with Lathan, and so that's the name her kid got. And now Lathan has a really fun story about how his name is based on a trashy TLC program and his mom's poor hearing.

And oh crap! There's an episode of I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant where the kid's name is Nathan? Now I have to follow my own advice and head over to the courthouse.

While I'm possibly offending people, I am going to go ahead and say that I am also opposed to married couples who share a Facebook profile. Seemingly by its very definition, Facebook is supposed to be about you, as an individual. And when you combine your Facebook profile with your husband's, you have completely given up on your individuality. The thing is, my husband is a Facebook fan of all kinds of political blogs/publications, and also of random sci-fi shows. I am a fan of Joel McHale and The Daily Kitten. We both have our own interests, and neither of us would want to be getting updates from the other person's fan pages and/or friends. I think it's okay to have some things separate in your marriage. (Also I tend to post status updates along the lines of, "I just had a delicious latte!" and my husband is opposed to this kind of mundane update.)

Here are a few more updates:

• The community theater woman contacted me, and my joke-writing gig is officially a go! And the jokes are supposed to be about musicals, which seems like a goldmine of comedic fodder. I mean, I love musicals. Who doesn't? Wouldn't it be awesome if we could all randomly burst into song for some levity in an awkward situation? (For example, an awesome real-life song might be, "Lathan? What the f**k kind of name is that?") And to help me with my joke-writing, I have access to one of the world's foremost experts on musicals, my friend Katie, who has seen approximately 8,000 musicals. I'm pretty sure she knows more about musicals than Andrew Lloyd Webber. So, that's the good news. The bad news is that the musicals I talk about have to be Tony winners, which means I can't mention the musical "Carousel," which features the all-time most hilarious musical number, "That Was a Real Nice Clambake." Hahahaha, clambakes are funny. I'll have to work it in somehow.
  
• The personal trainer said I have to have a weekly weigh-in with her. And she was talking to me and the other woman who does training with me, Amy, and she was like, "Well, I think we'll do weigh-ins with you, Shannon, because ... it seems like losing weight is ... more important to you." Ugh, why didn't she say, "Well, I think we'll do weigh-ins with you, Shannon, because you're clearly the much bigger fat-ass." So anyway, I was thinking that I must go home and get rid of all the free stuff I got at the basket factory tour. But instead I just went home and ate some of it. But no cookies or chocolate. Just pretzels and fat-free candies like jelly beans and sour stars. You know, the health foods.
  
• We had the babysitter over for her quick little hangout with Nathan yesterday. I felt like I should stick around for longer, but I didn't know what to say. So I chatted with her for 10 minutes, and then I said I was going off to do some errands. Except the only "errand" I did was to go to Starbucks to write a blog post for Technorati. I feel like I should maybe have done the whole babysitter trial where you hang out and do chores to see how the babysitter interacts with your kid. Except, that was so awkward when I was babysitting. I had this one woman I babysat for, and she would take me along with her two kids on errands and stuff. It was so hard. Like, hello, I am 14. What am I supposed to talk to you about? Eventually I graduated to being able to stay home alone with the kids while the mom went on errands, but I remember it took awhile before I got to that point. So, I just left this girl home with Nathan on her first visit. And maybe that means I'm putting the babysitter's needs before my kids and my own, so I guess I'm a bad mom on that. Or whatever.

Finally, here's some fun iPad action!

These are Nathan's two virtual cats, Tabby (orange) and Pooh (black) with their virtual litterbox:


And this is a virtual gingerbread man I made on the app Cookie Doodle:


And speaking of cookies, here's some long-awaited footage of me strolling the cookie runway on the Martha Stewart Makes Cookies app. Make sure you turn up the volume to hear my awesome soundtrack. Also the colored lights reflected on the screen are from my Christmas tree, and were accidental, but I think they add a neat little catwalk-like effect.