The big challenge

We got home after hours and hours of travel (a reasonable 4 hours in flight plus several more pointless hours of airportry), and Nathan didn't get to sleep until midnight. So you can imagine how excited I was when he woke up at 6:47 a.m. After 30 minutes of half-sleep, courtesy of PBS Kids (and this is why I make my annual donation to WTTW), I got up to face the beast known as Back From a Trip. One part laundry, one part suitcases full of random items you don't know where to put, and one part piled-up mail, the beast makes you wonder if it was ever worth it to go on a trip at all. Oh, and as you try to get those items slowly put away, you realize that your house wasn't really left in the cleanest state to begin with, so eager were you to get going on your trip.

And I just realized that Back From a Trip could be abbreviated like BFaT, which is a good segue into my next paragraph. I swore I would go back to Weight Watchers the day after I got home from the trip (i.e., today), but I seriously just ... can't ... deal. I find it overwhelming to restock the fridge after a trip, let alone try to restock it with some kind of Weight Watchers-friendly items. And perhaps when you're totally stressed out, you should not be embarking on a diet. So I think I'm waiting another week.

Besides, I'm going to be working out like a mo-fo this week, and here's why. My gym is having this Group Fitness Challenge in April, where people compete to see who can take the most classes at the gym. Everyone's progress is tracked on that most rewarding of bookkeeping systems, the sticker chart. Remember when I talked about needing to get a gold star for my accomplishments? Well, the gym is actually using happy-face stickers, but you'd be amazed at how motivating those stupid stickers arefor fully-grown adults.

Anyway, don't let me mislead you into thinking that I actually have a snowball's chance in hell of winning this contest. For starters, I was out of town for an entire week. And even if I wasn't, there are people who take like 3 classes a day at the gym, and there's no way I can compete with them. Like, seriously, there were people who already had 3 stickers in the first 6 hours of the contest.

But, the other part of the challenge is that everybody who takes 20 classes in April will get a t-shirt. I know what you're thinking: Wow, a freakin' t-shirt. How many stupid free giveaway t-shirts does every single person own? Like, a million? And yet every time a free shirt is offered, it's like the most exciting reward ever. Oh my gosh, a free shirt. I could clothe my body with this. Good thing, because where else could I possibly get clothing? Like, a store? Stores are for suckers, with their more properly-fitting, non-written-on, better-colored shirts.

The shirt you earn is this huge badge of honor. I will wear that thing at the gym with pride. And then I will sweat all over it.

So, now that I have established that a shirt is the most coveted prize in the world, I must make great efforts to earn it. But, here's the thing. Due to travel and a religious holiday on which my husband had the audacity to want to go to church, I only have two stickers. And it's April 13. That means I need 18 more stickers, and guess how many days left I have to go the gym in April? That's right, 18! Stupid 30 days has September!

Now I have to go to the gym every single day for the rest of April. And some days the only class I like is at 6 a.m. Which means if I'm not out of the house by 5:30, I'm going to have to compensate by taking two classes another day.

Because if I don't get that shirt ... well, I don't even want to think about what will happen.