Super Ima Okay-It's-Not-Really-Sunday Check-In

The original Super Ima, Leigh Ann, spent the weekend moving.  Is moving not the woooorst?  It's like you look at your house and you see everything on shelves or out in the open, and you think, Okay, I don't have that much stuff, I can pack this up easily.  And that's because you've lost sight of all the crap you've crammed into your drawers and cabinets, and things you saved for God-knows-what reason, and seriously, why is half this drawer filled with receipts from grocery shopping in 2005?

I mean, hypothetically that's how it is.

Anyway, even though Leigh Ann spent the weekend moving, and is writing a YA novel, she still got her check-in up on Sunday.  I, however, couldn't think of anything to write about yesterday, and had to do some additional thinking before finally posting this check-in today. 

So, unlike the title of this post, the theme for today's check-in is: Simplicity.

You know how I talk a lot about the issue of doing it all, having it all, [insert-gerund-here] it all?  And so does every other woman you know?  Well, today during a particularly determined 2500-yard swim, I had a thought about doing it all: Maybe I really don't want to do it all, maybe I just feel like I should want to do it all. 

Let me explain.  I could go all the way back to high school, when I was that do-gooder student who got straight A's and was the president of this and the captain of that, all because I wanted stuff to put on my college application.  Maybe that's where it started.  But, more recently, I think a lot of my thinking began in October 2008 when I quit my full-time job.  At that time, I figured I would get my act together, then have another baby, and/or get a part-time job, and/or do freelance work.  Now it's 2.5 years later, and I haven't done any of those things.  And it's true that of all the moms I know, I am the least busy/accomplished in terms of those afore-mentioned professional and family activities.  Recently during a discussion of a particular time-consuming activity, somebody said to me, "No offense, Shannon, but you have the time to do [activity]."  I was offended.

By suggesting that I would be offended at the notion that I'm not busy, she was implying that we are supposed to want to be busy and accomplished.  You are supposed to have it all, and do it all, or at least have a toe dipped into every category of personal and professional accomplishment.  I do not. 

I spend an incredibly huge amount of time feeling guilty about not having it all.  I have one kid and no job, and I'm supposed to want more.  And maybe on a practical level, I do want to do more so that I can earn money for my family and keep my foot in the door professionally.  But on a deeper emotional level, I realize I don't really have any need to be crazy and stressed out all the time.

I mean, life seems pretty busy as it is.  My days are filled with entertaining Nathan, cooking, cleaning, errands, laundry, working out, doing Weight Watchers, writing/acting for community theater, and blogging.  Sure about half of those things involve taking care of my personal health, which I feel guilty about.  But am I actually the giant waste of space/drain on society that I spend 75% of my time thinking I am?

Anyway, none of this is to say that I've made my peace with my lot in life, or that I have any concrete goals for my future.  But I think once I get over the feeling that I should want more, I can actually start thinking about whether or do want more and, if so, what the hell it is I do want. 

I have a really great life, and I shouldn't spend so much of it feeling guilty.

I think it all ties in with my new spirit of simplicity; you know, simplifying my crazy mind, appreciating what I have, all that stuff. 

So, I did set some specific goals about simplicity.  I'm not going to try to overhaul my whole life and simplify every aspect of it, because that would probably actually be very complicated.  But, this week I would like to simplify my environment.  I don't want a lot of clutter around me, even if that does seem to be the goal of the other members of my household (dammit, Leia).  My house is relatively clean after my big pre-babysitter cleanup, and this week I'd like to take the time to do a quick straighten-up of the areas where I mostly spend my time in my home.  (I guess this was technically saying that my goal is to clean, which is not in the Leigh Ann spirit, but it's really cleaning to achieve a greater end, that being peace of mind.  And it's not like I said I was going to get down on my hands and knees and scrub for hours.  I'm just talking about taking 5 minutes here and there to put things away.) 

And I'd like to be outdoors 30 minutes a day, weather permitting.  And finish 2 light, fluffy books.

The end.