Friday, March 4, 2011: What's your favorite thing you love to waste time with right now? A guilty pleasure.
Well, I think everybody's favorite time-waster is the Internet. Right? But besides the Internet, I have been wasting a lot of time on Crappy Cable Programming. My current favorite CCP is the Lifetime original program One Born Every Minute. It's one of those shows where they film people having babies, which always begs the question, Who on Earth would agree to be filmed for national television during labor? These women must be very well-compensated. But unlike the ridiculously-sappy TLC A Baby Story, One Born Every Minute manages to subtly mock the people who come into this particular hospital to have babies. There's the dumb teen mom who keeps updating her Facebook status during labor. The dad who drops his camera on the newborn baby. The idiot hippies who denounce the L&D nurses for not being positive enough, and refuse the vaginal exam because they want to stand in the shower and moan through a few more contractions together. Oh, it's good times, I tell you. One Born Every Minute comes on every Tuesday at 9:00 (Central Time), and I tell you, I specifically tune into it. It's now officially "appointment television" for me.
Thursday, March 3, 2011: How far away do you currently live from where you were born? How did you get there?
Well, according to Google maps, the total distance from Queen of the Valley Hospital in West Covina, California, where I was born, and my current address is 2,001 miles. How did I get here? Well, I mean obviously from the hospital my parents drove me home, and raised me, and I went to college, and I got a job, and I lived in California until I got married and we moved to the Chicago area for my husband's job. How did we get to the Chicago area? We drove, with our cat, stopping to dip the cat's feet in the Colorado River and take the cat's picture in front of the red rocks of Utah. You know, because the cat was like our kid back then.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011: Write a post using the following words: placate, boring, solitary, crinkle, and juice.
You would have to live a boring, solitary existence, the kind where somebody could easily placate you with juice, to be interested in a post like this. If this post were on paper I would crinkle it up.
Monday, February 28, 2011: Who's your favorite character from a movie that came out in the last year? Who's your least favorite?
My favorite character is Woody from Toy Story, because I like Tom Hanks. And Woody is a good guy with his whole "No toy gets left behind" philosophy. And also I didn't see a lot of movies last year. So I don't have a least favorite character.
Friday, February 25, 2011: What do you do to calm your nerves when things are getting tough?
Deep breathing. Xanax is also good, but I don't have any of that.
Thursday, February 24, 2011: What's the longest you've lived in any one place? How did you end up there? Why did you leave, or are you still there?
You know what? These questions are dumb. I lived in the same house from birth through college, except that was my dad's house, and I lived in my mom's house from age 9 until I finally moved out when I was 24, and I don't know how to answer this question because my parents had joint custody and I lived with each half the time so I don't really know how to calculate how long I lived in each house, and I don't think these questions are very sensitive to modern family structures. And these prompts are as dumb as a run-on sentence.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011: Have you ever lost anything of value? Do you still think about it? Imagine how you'd feel if you'd given it away instead.
Well, this is hardly something of great value, or at least not of great sentimental value, but I did once have a backpack that was specifically designed to hold an iPod, and the iPod holder part fell off somewhere. So that was a backpack FAIL. No, I don't think about it that much, because I have another iPod. And I don't know how to answer the part about how I'd feel if I had given it away instead, because I don't think people really ever give away iPods, they just wait for the fatal iPod battery death. I mean I don't mean to sound stingy, I would gladly give an equivalent cash value to charity, it's just that I don't see giving away an iPod.
Monday, February 21, 2011: If you were stranded on a desert island, what ten things would you want in your pockets?
(1) A cell phone (assuming the desert island has cell service), (2) food, (3) a lighter (because I have trouble striking matches), (4) one of those metallic space blankets that folds up, (5) an iPod, (6)-(10) Seriously these questions are dumb. Doesn't everybody say the same 10 things?
Friday, February 18, 2011: Look up a favorite poem, then take the last line and use it as the first line of today's post.
The Bean Eaters by Gwendolyn Brooks
They eat beans mostly, this old yellow pair.
Dinner is a casual affair.
Plain chipware on a plain and creaking wood,
Tin flatware.
Two who are Mostly Good.
Two who have lived their day,
But keep on putting on their clothes
And putting things away.
And remembering . . .
Remembering, with twinklings and twinges,
As they lean over the beans in their rented back room that
is full of beads and receipts and dolls and cloths,
tobacco crumbs, vases and fringes.
"Tobacco crumbs, vases and fringes" sound pretty gross. I don't know what tobacco crumbs are. But you shouldn't smoke. Or chew tobacco. Recently I saw a guy chewing tobacco on the train, and he was spitting gross brown tobacco spit into a water bottle. I feel sick thinking about it. And it wasn't even an old guy or, like, a 1950s professional baseball player or something. It was a young, okay-looking guy with a girlfriend. And I wanted to be like, "Hey lady, did you notice your boyfriend is spitting out brown tobacco shit into a water bottle? Have you considered match.com?"
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