All aboard the pain train!

I have signed up for personal training at the gym. Well, partner training, with another mom who works out with me a lot. Doing it with a partner makes it cheaper, and I think a little less awkward, too. Win-win.

Yesterday we went for our initial assessment with the trainer. The word assessment automatically makes me nervous, but it was super easy. When you're paying them that much money, they probably aren't going to make you feel bad about yourself. We walked on a treadmill for 20 minutes and got our heart rates, and there was a questionnaire. Obviously this questionnaire included some questions about your medical history, my favorite of which was, "Can you think of any other reasons why you should not exercise?" Because, I mean I think of reasons for why I "should not" exercise every single day. Off the top of my head, I could come up with it's boring, I'm tired, it hurts, it necessitates an extra shower each day, dragging my kid with me to the gym is a pain ... should I go on?

Must ... resist ... urge ... to ... be ... a ... smartass.

In addition to the medical questionnaire, there was a take-home questionnaire about nutrition. Now, the thing is, doing Weight Watchers, I'm mostly eating the right stuff. (I didn't mention that I cheat on Weight Watchers approximately 3 days a week, which is pretty close to half the time.) I'm rocking the fiber, the low-fat dairy, and the fruits/vegetables. I do okay on the water, although some people have suggested that anything with caffeine automatically cancels out water. Because you cannot win.

Speaking of caffeine, I failed on that part of the questionnaire. The thing is, as I type this, I am drinking coffee out of my gigantic adorable heart-themed mug that Ashley gave me several years ago. I alternate between this giant mug and another giant mug that my dad/stepmom brought back for me from the world's first Starbucks. Both mugs hold two servings of coffee. And if you say, "Wow, Shannon, that is overly honest of you. You should totally just call one cup of coffee one serving," you have to know that I have the Keurig single-serving coffee maker, and I actually run it through twice to fill up this mug. So, right there, that's 14 servings of caffeine a week, before I'm even out of my pajamas.

And then I usually have at least one Diet Coke a day, because what else can you have that's zero Weight Watchers points and tastes delicious and sweet? And I know, I know, Diet Coke is horrible for you. It leeches calcium from your bones! It causes some kind of weird metabolic issues! Diet Coke cans emit tiny gamma rays that are slowly killing your children!

Anyway, one Diet Coke per day equals 7 more caffeinated beverages, so I'm up to 21. And factoring in Diet Coke refills in restaurants, and my occasional mid-afternoon Starbucks visit, I just rounded it up to an even 30 caffeinated beverages per week.

Thirty. It's amazing I still manage to sleep 9 hours a night.

Another form they gave me was about my personal goals. You list a goal, obstacles to achieving this goal, and ways to overcome these obstacles. Now, as a person who overthinks things, I have a hard time filling out forms like this. For example, my first goal was, "Lose 10 pounds by Christmas." Which, now that I think about this, is kind of overly-ambitious, because Christmas is like 5 weeks away, and that's two pounds a week. Anyway, whatever, my point was that it was a goal related to weight loss. So, as one of my obstacles, I put "restaurants/take-out." Now, what on earth am I supposed to put as a tactic to overcome that goal? "Don't go to restaurants/get take-out?" Because, to me, that is the only obvious answer, but it seems like I'm a smart-ass that doesn't take this form seriously. (And hey, if the Asics gel running shoe fits ... )

You might be thinking that another way to overcome my restaurant/take-out obstacle would be to make more sensible choices at restaurants. Is there any more vile term than sensible choices? (Answer: Yes, it's playdate.) And if you are advocating the sensible choices option, you obviously have never had to sit on your hands to avoid eating the Cheddar Bay biscuits at Red Lobster, or watched your skinny friend devour a giant burrito while you pick at a salad that has only vinegar as a dressing.

My point is, I have a hard time at restaurants. Technically you can find something sort of sensible at restaurants. But I dislike being limited to only one menu choice. And I'm certainly not going to have the balls to ask the waiter for a piece of broiled chicken and steamed vegetables that aren't on the menu, as Weight Watchers tells me to.

Now, the thing is, I don't mean to suggest that I'm unwilling to make sacrifices for my greater goals. I'm just not willing to make those particular sacrifices. I'd rather choose the sacrifice of not going to a restaurant or getting take-out, because no matter what you get there, it's always higher in Weight Watchers points than eating at home. Obviously I can't I go to restaurants and get take-out sometimes. Restaurants are a reality of life, and also a big part of my social life, so I can't totally give them up.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. My point is, I'm going to be the dumbass with a stupid packed lunch at every single venue I go to, including the airport and McDonald's. And my other point is, forms are dumb.