Scheduling, or lack thereof

Well, the boy's preschool experience has improved since the first day. Apparently on that first day, he just didn't understand that the craft was mandatory. Which is understandable, because there aren't too many activities in a little kid's non-school life that are mandatory. Yes, there are the basic details of life, like getting dressed, taking a bath, eating, and going to bed. Those are mandatory. But I think it's hard in the toddler mind to draw a comparison between mandatory bedtime and mandatory art activities. Everywhere we go with art activities and their analogues (defined as "fun stuff for kids to do"), Nathan gets to pick what he wants to do. At the children's museum, if he doesn't want to go over to the art area, he doesn't have to. Why would I force that? (Even though I want to, because crafts are a distinct weakness in my parenting at home, and I want him to take advantage of some other crafty person's set-up/clean-up efforts.)

And speaking of stuff we do at home, I'm struggling to get us on any kind of schedule/routine. I know I have said this before, but the boy's giving up of his naps has really thrown me. In the nap-taking era, our days went kind of like this: get up, TV, get ready for day, participate in some kind of fun toddler activity and/or errands, lunch, nap, dinner, crazy hard evening gym class designed for young professionals, and then bedtime.

Now, though, the days are so long. It's easy for me to just let the boy's morning TV go on too long, because he's not taking a nap, and it's going to be a long day. I don't even care if we do any toddler activities in the morning (other than preschool), because I'd rather save all the fun for the afternoon (when, really, there are no toddler activities planned, since most of these kids are still taking naps). We have lunch, which, at this point, is in front of the TV for the boy. I know ... bad, bad, bad. Then he has his total joke of a "quiet time," where the only thing I can do to get him to sit still is ... wait for it ... turn on the TV.

Contrary to what some people say, quiet time is a very pathetic substitute for a nap. First of all, I can't sleep during it. I feel that you should generally be awake during all the hours that your kid is awake. Mother of the Year!

Also, at most, I can get the child to sit for like 45 minutes. Then he comes tearing upstairs, where I am getting a few pages of my book read, and he's ready for more action. And really, what am I going to say, "Get back and watch more TV this instant"? This is when he gets in one of his weird moods where he just needs to grab and squeeze and pummel things. Is this need to get out physical aggression a boy thing?

Anyway, holy crap, at this point it's only 1:30. One effing thirty! It is a long time until bedtime! We've been going to the park in the afternoons, which is a great choice now (free, close, wholesome, energy-burning), but I'm going to have to come up with something else in the winter months.

Somehow we get through the afternoons with some combo of park, errands, snacks, and playdates. Then it's 5:00 and all hell breaks lose. The boy has lost what little shreds of human decency he even possesses to begin with. Now it's all, let me see what happens when I put the remote control in a cup of water! (Answer: it breaks.) Let me throw every toy I own around the living room!

It's time for me to get moving on dinner/bedtime, and fast. But how to control this wild fiend while I assemble some sort of meal? Oh, I know! Television. And sometimes if Bill isn't home yet, I just let the kid eat his dinner in front of the TV, because I don't want to spend another meal staring at a preschooler.

I guide him through his whole bedtime routine, and just when he's all bathed, settled, and read to ... DADDY comes home! Let's get all worked up again! And can I please play a game with Daddy? PLEEEEEEASE! And not wanting to deny the two an opportunity for father/son time, I allow the game. But Daddy has to eat first, and change his clothes, and whatever, so now it's getting late and the boy has achieved his goal of being the World's Best Bedtime Staller.

Finally this game takes place, then ends, and I have to lie down with the boy to get him to sleep. I swore I would never have a kid who needed somebody to lie down with him to go to sleep, but here we are. And it has to be moooommmmm-yyyyyyyy! And no reading, lights, or TV. And I know I could engage in some kind of systematic battle wherein I force him into his bed, over and over again, until the getting-ups gradually decrease night by night. But, it's 8:00 at this point, and I'm just dying for some time alone, and I throw all my parenting ideals out the window and just do whatever it takes to get him to sleep.

He goes to sleep. In our bed. I go downstairs and give him some time to fall into a deep enough sleep that I can move him to his own bed. And then I get a few hours to watch TV or read on my own, and then sometime in the middle of the night the boy rejoins us in our bed. I have no idea how to handle that one.

And when the morning light comes streaming in, I get up and do it again.

So, to sum up: totally thrown by lack of nap, adjusting to preschool, no schedule, too much TV, kid totally worn out and irrational half the time. And yeah, we still go to museums and other local attractions, and we go to the library (a lot), but there are just so many hours to fill, and you can't go to these places all the time. And despite needing several hours of entertainment, Nathan is still unable to handle activities that go on for several hours.

(As I look back on the preceding paragraphs, I realize I am making it sound like I think I need to put on some kind of entertaining show for my kid all the time. That isn't the case. Of course he can play by himself sometimes, or I play with him, or we do something simple like go for a walk. But the fact is that even if I'm not doing some big production all the time, I still need to find a way to keep him occupied all the time.)

I've had a few months since The Great Nap Give-Up, so I'm starting to eke out some inkling of a schedule/plan/routine. Here are some things that I have done right:

1. I get up before Nathan. This gives me some time in the morning to sit with my coffee and surf the Internet before chaos ensues.
2. I have recently started handling transition times by giving Nathan a lot of attention and hugs. So, when he wakes up, I'm all, I'm happy to see you! When I pick him up from preschool, we take some time to sit and discuss his day/look at the craft(s) he made. When he's all weird and aggressive after his quiet time, he gets some crazy tight hugs and tickling. Anyway, I think this is called "being present" for your child.
   
3. I just decided that I'm going to have a policy that he gets to watch TV during the following 3 periods: right after he wakes up, during quiet time, and while I make dinner. While I still think this is too much TV, I think being slightly vague as to exact time limits on TV will give us enough flexibility to have days where there is less TV and days where there is more TV.
   
4. We now go to the gym in the morning. Although I like a lot of the classes they offer in the evenings (daytime ones tend to be for the senior citizen crowd), Nathan is just too irrational by 5 p.m. to get him out the door. And I'm exhausted by then, too. And saying we're going to go every morning gives us a routine.
   
5. I've been getting Nathan totally ready for bed by the time his dad gets home. This way we're not doing the whole bedtime routine after the too-late Daddy game-playing time.

I'm still struggling with how to fill the days. I kind of felt like preschool on T/Th and library storyhour on Weds. would be enough, but there are still a lot of hours. Should we overschedule ourselves so that there are 50 classes/enrichment activities we need to go to? That seems like a little too much in terms of cost/exhaustion/overstimulation. (Also swim lessons start this Saturday and storyhour starts next week, so we haven't really had an opportunity to see how our weeks will go when all the activities are in full swing.)

I'm thinking about doing Gymboree. I realize this is the kind of thing that people usually do with infants and young toddlers, but I've never done it before. There are two Gymboree facilities that are about equidistant from our house, in that they are each 10 miles away. That's a bit of a drive. Plus it seems so expensive. But I'm wondering if I should just throw some money at my problems at this point.

I guess I could also get all crazy homeschool and start planning structured activities at home. Like, "Tuesday is cooking day and Wednesday we do a craft." But, I mean, come on. That just isn't me. I think I'd much rather outsource these activities to paid child-enrichment professionals and librarians.

So, bottom line, our schedule is evolving. And I need to give myself a break and let it evolve.