I'm Okay, You're Okay

Last week I was over at my good friend's house. She opened up her hall closet, to reveal the most organized closet situation I have possibly ever seen outside of the Container Store website. Toiletries were organized into small plastic boxes with cutesy labels like "I need pampering" and "It's personal ..." (Yep, first-ever box label featuring ellipses.) And then, and then, on the inside of the closet door, she had a computer-drawn map of the location of each box, followed by a list of items contained in each box. She said it helps her to figure out what she's out of when she makes a shopping list.

My toiletry-replenishment system is more like, "Oh crap! We're out of toilet paper! And I was just at four stores yesterday that sold toilet paper!" and then the next day, "Oh crap! We're out of shampoo! I was just at a store yesterday buying toilet paper, and I could have bought shampoo then, except I didn't remember I was almost out of it!"

I will never, never, achieve a level of organization wherein I have everything in a labeled box, nor will I have a map of the location of each labeled box.

And that's okay.

Her system works for her, my system works for me. (Okay, more like I manage to meet my family's basic needs in spite of my lack of a system, but whatever.)

This particular friend and I spend a good amount of time together, and so of anybody I know, hers is the life I have the best glimpse into. I truly believe that you can never, ever know exactly what happens in the life of another family, but you get closer the more time you spend with somebody. And so, because I know her pretty well, I compare myself to her a lot. And I believe, in my low self-esteem ways, that she is better than I am in all areas. She spends less money than I do. She's a better wife and mother than I am. And, in the case of the boxes and the map, she is much better organized than I am.

She's better organized with her time. She plans out her grocery shopping trips weeks in advance, and her whole family is on a schedule that even the 4-year-old has memorized. I aspire to be like her.

Well, I thought I did. But, now I realize her systems wouldn't work for me. They work for her. She needs her systems. I need some systems, but not those systems.

It's funny how a little thing like a plastic box of toiletries can sometimes trigger a whole new outlook on life. But I realized that just like I can't organize my belongings like other people do, I don't have to live my life like other people do, either.

I know this seems like a very basic realization. A total duh, in fact. People are different, and we all live our lives differently. But I think for mothers, and maybe for women in general, there are certain unspoken rules about the right way to do things. (See this absolutely hilarious series of short cartoons about what those right ways are. Seriously, if you are a mother, watch them.)

But, you will go crazy trying to do everything right. And, as a friend once told me, if you compare yourself to others, you will always lose. I also think that I never focus on what I do right. It's always what I could do better, and what somebody else is already doing better.

Just for now, though, I'm telling myself that I am doing okay. I am not wracked with insanity because I'm having it all with some kind of hybrid PT/WAH/freelance job that allows me to juggle 3 kids and be president of the PTA.

I only have one kid. I failed to give him a sibling within the socially-accepted 3.5 year time limit. (That deadline passed on August 28, although the opportunity to achieve that deadline obviously passed 9 months before that.) And I don't have a job, either. Oh well, I won't win the Human of the Year Award. Life feels a little busy, but not insane. When Nathan goes to bed, I enjoy some free time. I'm not killing myself from the minute I wake up until the minute I put my head on the pillow at night. And when my kid is at preschool, I'm not running around like a loon running errands and cleaning. Instead, I write this blog.

There are a lot of things I want to improve about myself. Self-improvement goals swirl around in my head at a near-constant rate. I should lose weight. I should work out more. I should clean out the garage. I should organize that drawer. I should, I should, I should.

But for this week, I decided to focus on eating better. I know I have said this a million times (and counting), but I am re-starting Weight Watchers. That is my self-improvement for the week. That's the thing I most need to do, because carrying around all this extra weight, I am exhausted. I'm keeping up my workout schedule in conjunction with Weight Watchers, but that's it for lifestyle changes this week.

I have other things I want to change. But for this week, I am okay with focusing on eating and exercise. Maybe in time I will make more improvements. But for now, I am doing okay. Yes, you can only fit one car in my two-car garage, and that car is filled with a little bit of clutter itself. No, I cannot tell you exactly where we'll be at 4:15 p.m. on a Tuesday a month from now. My kid still watches too much TV. My husband and I still suck at date nights. I stop in the middle of the day to read books instead of cleaning all the time. Oh, and sometimes I buy those books from bookstores instead of being green and frugal and checking them out at the library. My kid never eats more than 3 bites of the dinner I make, and he only eats those three bites because I bribe him with fruit snacks.

But, for now, I'm doing okay.