(To be found between Mom Blog Stock Topic #850: How can I lose the baby weight? and Mom Blog Stock Topic #852: I think that guy at the park was a pedophile.)
Sometimes when a bunch of thoughts are swirling around in my head, I turn to my blog to sort things out. I know, I should really take a walk, which would help me lose the baby weight, but on the other hand that guy there is probably a pedophile.
Anyway, hello, blog. This morning I had a phone interview for a job. I was really shocked that some random click of an "apply" button on CareerBuilder actually resulted in an interview. And it was with an educational publishing company (good) that is only 15 minutes from my house (good).
So, the phone interview was at 9:30. I had to drop off Nathan at 9, which was anxiety-producing enough because please oh please oh please let him get a good report from preschool.
The problem with the interview was that I had applied for this job at a company that is within my field of experience/expertise, except the actual position was maybe not in an area that I know or care about. (Basically it would be editing trade and technical textbooks, like info on welding or automotive repair.) And also it was full-time, and I don't want to work full-time. So I applied for this job maybe to just get my foot in the door (or, you know, near the door) with the company, not specifically to get a job editing welding manuals. Which meant I had to go into the interview with the following questions:
(1) Don't you have anything else I can do there?
(2) Don't you have something with fewer work hours?
I know, I am just a dream candidate.
Anyway, I have sort of always been brought up to take the attitude that you should be willing to take whatever work comes your way, especially if it's in a field/company you want to stay in. So, it was sort of against my nature to come into the interview and make a bunch of demands. I once heard that a way to boost your confidence in an interview is to look at it like you're interviewing them. Like, I am awesome, and I'm just going to find out if I'll be willing to grace you with my presence. Except in my general, low self-confidence life, it's more like, I am barely competent, and thanks for not letting the door close in my face.
Whatever. Back to the two above questions. Basically after the brief rundown on the company and job, I asked the two questions and got the wrong answer (no) to both.
And the call was over.
Now, really, I'm back to exactly where I was before. Unemployed. And really it's not like we're going to go broke if I don't work. So, I shouldn't be upset. But having to ask those two questions was a big sticking my neck out for me, and getting rejected takes a little bit out of you.
The funny thing, and here's where the work-life balance issue comes in, is that I don't really know if I would have wanted to work again. I mean, yes, this company is in my field, nice and small, and very local. And given the right subject matter (like, hello, they publish culinary school textbooks) and a part-time position, I would have been dumb not to have pounced on it. Although at this point that's like saying I really would eat more broccoli if it tasted like candy, cost nothing, and was prepared by somebody else.
Anyway. I didn't get the job and I'm sad, but I don't know if I wanted it anyway. I know when I worked full-time at a job that was downtown (thus necessitating a 45-minute train commute each way), I was way unbalanced. For better or for worse, I am the one primarily in charge of childcare and household chores/food preparation in my house. And that goes whether I work full-time, part-time, or not at all. So any employment I got would have to be juggled with those other duties. (Except if I earned enough, I would hire a cleaning service.) In that sense, I don't want to work.
But also, I feel like I need to get out a little. Nathan no longer naps, and having to be with him for so many hours a day, just the two of us, is getting so hard. Each day feels like a marathon. It might do me some good to have a break from him.
But of course, that's on a good day. A day where it's all "let me just juggle all the responsibilities of life in a way that makes me feel fulfilled in all areas of my life, like I'm freakin' on the cover of Working Mother magazine." That does not include the days where my kid is sick and can't go to preschool, but he has to because Mommy has a conference call and I don't need a bunch of yelling in the background. Or the days when I'm up half the night getting kicked by a toddler in my bed, and I have to appear competent and professional. Or husband is out of town and can't pick Nathan up. Or, or, or ...
I don't have the answer. And now I have to go pick up my kid and hope he gets a good report from preschool, because currently he is my only job and my entire sense of self-worth is based on his preschool behavior reports.
And I'm kind of thinking it would have done me some good to learn about automotive repair. Because my car is falling apart. Except if I had that job, I could afford to buy a new one. Ahh, the irony.
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