In case anybody is wondering, 10 months is the point of burnout when one decides to write 365 posts in a year. Which is why I just didn't feel like writing a post about the movie I Don't Know How She Does It, like I promised I would back in this post. But it has been nagging at me that I never wrote this movie review. So, even though this movie is out of the theaters now and halfway to its DVD release, I am going to write about it anyway.
(NOTE: I am not implying that I think you were eagerly awaiting this movie review. Nobody tunes in to this blog for its stellar movie reviews. Although, funny side note to this side note, Professional Movie Critic was the career I aspired to when I was in sixth grade. I also wanted to have boy/girl twins named Alexander and Alexandra. I don't know how I thought I would guarantee that particular reproductive outcome. Eleven-year-old Shannon maybe didn't have a firm grasp on the logistics of human reproduction. Anyway, back here in the present time, I am not writing this review under the assumption that you were expecting it, but because I hate to promise something and not follow through on it. Except for when it comes to weight loss. Let's move on, shall we?)
Before I begin my official review (I know), let me get this nit-picky criticism out of the way. In my opinion, it's time for Sarah Jessica Parker to get a shorter hairstyle. The long, wavy locks were pretty in the 80s and maybe in the Sex and the City TV years. By the most recent Sex and the City movie, though, I really started to feel like her long hair was pulling down her already long and gaunt face. And yes, I know, I'm not really the picture of glamor myself, but I am also not a movie star. It is not my job to look beautiful, nor do I have a team of professional stylists working on me.
You're welcome for that unsolicited beauty advice, SJP.
Okay, now for some (slightly) more substantive criticism. I Don't Know How She Does It is a movie based on a book about a harried working mother. (And I know, every mother is a working mother, but can we just agree that the term working mother refers to a mom with a paying job?) I've seen the book lumped into the same category as The Nanny Diaries and The Devil Wears Prada. That is, it's one of those "hilarious look inside the insanity of somebody's life" books. But I can't vouch for this description myself, because I didn't read the book. I'll get back to why I didn't read the book later.
Now, naturally, books and films in this sub-genre are going to be a little bit unrealistic because they include the most outrageous scenarios in order to get the laugh. The real trials and tribulations of a person's life aren't all that interesting to readers and movie-goers. For example, a real working mother might feel guilty that the babysitter has to take her baby to Mommy 'n Me time, even though the baby wouldn't notice and/or care. This situation is not inherently movie-fodder-hilarious. You have to up the wackiness factor for a movie, so you get situations like where SJP's character returns home from a business trip in the middle of the night and has to make something for her daughter's school bake sale, and she ends up smashing a store-bought pie into a glass pan. I can't imagine anybody would actually do this, but it makes for a funny scene in a movie.
Similarly, the dramatic factor is upped in a movie. The working mother MUST stay late for a meeting at work, or else she will LOSE HER JOB, but OH NO! NOBODY is babysitting her kids! Or she HAS TO leave on a business trip without any notice, but that's when her child ends up in the ER with a HEADWOUND while she's gone. And while working mothers do experience work-versus-family dilemmas all the time, they're usually less life-and-death scenarios like I had to miss the office Christmas party because I didn't have a babysitter.
And most working mother problems, at least in my experience, relate to a lack of time and energy. But nobody wants to watch SJP complain for two hours that she needs a nap.
So, I get it that a movie isn't going to be realistic. I'm willing to suspend reality a little for the sake of comedy or drama. And I did think the movie was realistic in the whole portrayal of the I need my work, but I need my family more, but that doesn't mean I'm going to quit my job issue. And the ending (spoiler alert, but not really) was pretty realistic, in that there wasn't some magical solution, but just a slight shift in attitudes and behaviors. That kind of ending is realistic, because when it comes to work-life balance, there are no perfect solutions, just better situations and slow societal shifts.
To sum up, I thought I Don't Know How She Does It was funny and yet relatable. I also appreciate an entry into the chick-flick genre that isn't a stupid romantic comedy. Plus, there are some good-looking men in it. If you didn't see the movie in the theater, it's definitely a great DVD film.
So, that's my movie review. Now I'd like to discuss why I didn't read the book, and also a trend I've observed recently among moms.
This is very hard to admit, but I didn't read the book because I thought it would make me feel bad about myself. Like a lot of women, I have extreme guilt and insecurity about the fact that I don't think I do enough. And I kind of worried that reading about the woman in the story, all hectic and harried and overwhelmed, would make me feel bad about what little I personally do. I have one kid and no job. I feel like everybody looks at me and says I totally know how she does it.
Now, let me pause here and say that I know nobody takes that much time to think about and/or judge me. They're all too busy with their own lives. My insecurity about other people's opinions is just projection. I feel insecure about myself. This isn't other people's opinion about me, it's my opinion about myself.
Still, based on what I hear and observe around me, I don't think I'm alone in my insecurity. I don't want to quote anybody directly or tell a story that includes too many identifying details, but all the time I hear women make statements that suggest that they don't think they do enough or they don't think they're good enough. Or else they belittle your accomplishments because they're insecure about their own lack of accomplishments. It's as though we feel like we need to be able to say we work full-time, have six kids, run a business on the side, and clean our own houses. And even the mom with that particular bio probably feels like she needs to have a seventh kid or run a marathon or something.
Maybe this insecurity comes from our Puritan work ethic or from the belief that hard work and suffering builds character, or maybe it's just our inherent female tendency to compare ourselves to others. Maybe we have some sort of white, middle-class guilt about all that was handed to us, and we need to make ourselves feel better by saying that we, too, work hard and make sacrifices. Or maybe we just want to feel more important.
Either way, I think insecurity about our own personal choices is a huge problem for women. And I wish I had something profound to say that would change everybody's attitude, but I don't. I just wish it would all stop.
But maybe, like in the movie, the resolution comes slowly in subtle changes in attitudes and behaviors. Maybe, today, just for this day or this hour or this minute, I can say that whatever I do is enough. And maybe all the other insecure women out there can say that they're doing enough today, too.
So, there you go. Problem solved.
And I guess the preceding paragraphs probably didn't do that much to sell you on I Don't Know How She Does It as a fun diversion from reality. But, I promise, it is still funny and enjoyable. I recommend it.
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