This village has a few too many idiots

I'm tired of strangers trying to discipline my child. I know it takes a village to raise a child, but I hope that the village idiots can be excused from their child-raising duties.

Here's the thing. I know my child isn't perfect. I know sometimes he's acting like a little shit. Believe me, I know. I'm very insecure about his behavior. I beat myself up about his behavior. So you, Mr. or Ms. Nosy Stranger who doesn't need to get involved, you're making me feel worse.

Let me just say, the following people are allowed to discipline my child:

• me
• my husband
• anybody who is a friend or relative of mine, who I know is just trying to help me out
• anybody who lives in or works at the area where my child is misbehaving
• anybody in an official child-raising capacity, such as a teacher or babysitter
• anybody who sees my child performing an act that would put his life in danger
• anybody who sees my child performing an act that would put others' lives in danger
  
• law enforcement personnel
  

I think that's a pretty broad list. I think that list encompasses the true spirit of the "it takes a village" adage. All of these people are concerned and involved community members who are doing their part to support me as a parent.

Note that this list does not include meddlesome strangers who just need to mind their own beeswax.

For example:

• Woman at Target who heard me telling Nathan to stop being a "sass mouth" and, despite walking in the other direction, stopped to tell Nathan to quit talking like that. "Sometimes it helps to have a stranger tell them," she commented to me. Yeah, sometimes it doesn't.
  
• Woman at the library who saw Nathan goofing around at the checkout area, where I was just trying to get checked out and get the hell out of Dodge because my kid was goofing around, and heard me telling Nathan to settle down, and added, "Yeah Nathan, cool it."
• Another woman at the library, on a totally separate occasion when I was also trying to hurry and get books checked out because Nathan and his little friend were acting in a manner inappropriate for the library, who got totally worked up and started yelling "Hey, hey, hey, HEY!" at him. I turned around, alarmed, and she said she was concerned because he was picking up the bowl of stickers in a manner that suggested that he might spill them. As though he was carrying a bowl containing a live bomb instead of 15 or so stickers that could easily have been picked up off the floor.
• And the big "winner": This woman on a street corner downtown, who heard Nathan protesting when I was trying to quickly yank him across a busy city street where traffic-enforcement cops were yelling their brains out. She bent over to Nathan's level and said, "Hey, do you know who I am? I am Mrs. Claus. And I know you don't want me to tell Santa that you just talked to your mom like that." Confused, Nathan began reporting what he wanted for Christmas. When the light turned and we could cross the second street, therefore allowing us to walk away from this complete lunatic of a woman, Nathan still had no freakin' clue what she was talking about, and she ended with, "Well, it was a good try." NO, no it wasn't. What if we didn't even celebrate Christmas? Or what if we didn't raise our child to believe in Santa Claus? Or what if we did raise our child to believe in the whimsy of Santa Claus, and didn't want him thinking that Santa's beloved wife was some crazy woman in a hospital volunteer outfit who stands on street corners in downtown Chicago? Or, or ... shut up, that's why.

As I said, I beat myself up over my child's behavior. Some people (okay, a lot of people) have told me I need to lower my expectations because he's only three years old. He gets tired and overwhelmed and doesn't know how to handle his feelings, and he acts in a socially-inappropriate manner. And my job is to redirect this behavior, because he's just learning to be a person. And if I'm doing that, I'm doing my job.

But when total strangers intervene, even if they are well-meaning, all I hear is, "Geez, what an awful child! What's wrong with his mother? Clearly she is a complete failure as a parent, so I, a total stranger who is completely uninvolved with this child's life, am forced to intervene and help this pathetic mother out. I can't possibly go on with my day knowing that I stood by and did nothing while evil children like him go on behaving like that."

I might read a little too much into things.

I know that there are more than a few crazies in the world, and that I can't let the turkeys get me down. I know that I take things too personally. I know I'm hard on myself. And I know that these strangers have good intentions, misguided as they are.

But please, could they butt out?