Remember when I said I liked going to the gym?

As you'll probably recall because you are a faithful reader of this blog, a few weeks ago I decided to take a hiatus from swimming to try some new stuff at the gym. Then I realized that while all this other exercise was helping me lose weight, build muscle, and feel energized, it was not helping to calm my anxiety the way swimming does. So I needed to find a way to add back swimming into my workout routine, while still keeping my 7 other classes each week.

I vowed to wake up early Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to get in a swim each morning. Monday and Wednesday I would have additional classes in the evenings, and Friday I would have a class at 8:30 a.m. (after swimming). Well, let me tell you, nothing makes you feel like more of a failure than promising to do early-morning workouts. I had planned to get up at 5:30 a.m., but Monday and Wednesday I woke up in the middle of the night and turned off my alarm. Then I beat myself up for not getting up to swim, even though I was still doing some serious workouts in the evenings on those days. But this is because no matter what I do, no matter what I accomplish, I will still be hard on myself. It's a real problem. But it's a little too heavy of a topic for a weekend blog post.

I did manage to cram in swim workouts on Sunday (no classes) and on Tuesday before yoga. Then, I'm happy to report, I got up early Friday and swam because I had to be at the gym at 8:30 for Zumba anyway. So I found 3 days a week to swim, in addition to my classes, and I think that's sufficient. I have cut down on my yardage for swimming (from 3,000 yards down to 2,000), mostly due to time constraints.

I feel like I live at the gym.

Now, let's talk about Zumba. It pains me to say this, but I don't think I like it. I do like the morning Zumba better than the evening one, because it's mostly old people and housewives, so the fact that I suck is not glaringly obvious. However, I just feel so stupid and awkward in that class. And it's hard to get the moves, and the teacher can't really stop to explain them all because she's trying to keep up a brisk workout pace. I want to like it so badly, because everybody else loves it, but it's just not working. And I kind of feel like part of the problem is that I'm not sure I'm getting a good workout out of it, since I can't really get the moves right. I can at least appreciate a class that is hard, even if I don't necessarily like it. But with Zumba I feel like I can neither love nor appreciate it. The teacher is yelling stuff like, "Isolate your ab muscles here!" or, "Really swing the hips!" and I can't get any of it. I'm thinking my time might be put to better use if I just swam a few more yards during Zumba.

And another thing: Why is it that I can feel my muscles, but I still look like a big fat-ass?

Questioning Myself

I couldn't think of anything to write about, so I looked online for blog prompts. I thought most of them were dumb, so I decided to make up my own question and answer it. I went with this old standard:

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

Truth be told, I'm not much of a traveler. I am a big homebody, and I get easily flustered in unknown places. I'm fairly comfortable if I can speak the language, so I guess maybe my dream trip would be a tour around the United States and Canada.

I actually have never been to Canada. So I think I'd take one of those nice tour buses that takes you all around and makes sure you see the most important stuff. And gets you into the nicest hotels and pre-arranges your meals at the nicest restaurants. But then I would also like my tour bus to give me some relaxation time in the more scenic areas (read: NOT Missouri).

Of course, seeing all of the U.S. and Canada would require several trips, and that wasn't really part of the hypothetical. So if I had to pick, I'd pick Maine. I'd pick Maine because my dad has been to most states, and he says Maine is his favorite. And who doesn't enjoy a good lobster?

Now I will talk about places I have been. I have had one significant international travel experience. It was when my grandma took me to Italy on a two-week tour. It was a dream come true for her, having never been to the country that her father emigrated from. The trip was lovely, we saw it all ... and we fought like a mo-fo about halfway through. Grandma was kind of difficult on the trip. Oh, and one of the people in the tour group died. Right in front of us.

But I guess I'm still grateful for that time with my grandma. She has since passed away, and if nothing else, I really got to know her on that trip.

Most of the rest of my travel experiences involve going to the same places over and over. My mom and stepdad were big on taking us to this camp in the mountains, which had no TV, phones, or computers ... pretty much your idea of hell when you're a teenager. (Well, I guess not the computer part. Computers weren't that big when I was a teenager. But note that nowadays my parents go to the same place and bring a DVD player and a projector. Plus they have laptops because the place now has Wi-Fi.)

My dad and stepmom purchased a house in a beachside community and took us there on vacation some weekends. They live there now. Anyway, my point is, we took good trips, but we went the same places over and over again. And I have never been to the Grand Canyon or Mt. Rushmore or any of those tourist places.

And that is the answer to my question. Sort of.

The Noisiest Hour in the Library

We have finished our fall session of Tot Time story hour at the library. It was only six weeks long, which was a good thing because that story hour was kind of stressful.

Now, you all know that I love the library. I love it for novels and cookbooks for me, as well as DVDs, puzzles, and books for Nathan. I love that it's the easiest free indoor entertainment in town. And I love all the free programs they have there.

And I do appreciate that they have a story hour for 2-year-olds. However, do you know what it's like when you cram 15 2-year-olds in a room and try to get them to sit quietly and hear a story? It doesn't work. The main problem seems to be that kids don't understand that the book isn't just for them, so various children try to come right up to the librarian and shove their heads in the book, preventing other kids from being able to see. Which, of course, then results in the kids who can't see getting all restless and upset. I honestly don't know how that librarian could stand to conduct that story hour, but maybe that's why the session was only six weeks long. Not once did she ever have the undivided attention of every kid in there.

Now, I will say that my child could sit quietly and pay attention to the story most of the time. However, my child's weakness is that he doesn't really care to scoot closer on the rug (as the librarian invites them to), nor does he want to participate in any songs. (At Tot Time there is a song between each story.)

But anyway, I am thinking of asking if he can be in the 3-5 year-old story hour in January, since he will be just 6 weeks shy of 3 anyway. However, I hate to be that mom, who assumes her not-even-three-year-old is advanced and mature enough to hack it in the class that goes all the way up to age five. I actually don't think he's super advanced or mature. It's just that clearly his strength is being able to sit still, so I should play to that strength and not put him in a story hour that's going to distract him.

Oh and also, the 3-5 story hour is one where I can just drop him off and sit in the library by myself. (However, don't let the term "story hour" fool you into thinking I might get a whole quiet hour to myself in the library. It's really more like "story 20 minutes, followed by a craft you're supposed to assist your child with.")

Anyway, just to prove that I don't think my kid is a super genius, let me tell you what I've been freaking out about lately. So, each of the Tot Time story hours focused on a pre-reading skill, which you were supposed to then practice at home during the following week. The skills were things like developing new vocabulary and predicting what would happen next in a story. All the "homework" assignments went well, except for the one where Nathan was supposed to learn letters of the alphabet. For some reason, he just can't get a single letter through his head. And all the other kids can do it, and I have even gone so far as to start freaking out that maybe he has a learning disability.

Umm, yeah. He is two. It is not necessary for him to know the entire alphabet. (He can say the alphabet, he just has no interest in learning individual letters.) And it is especially stupid of me to be comparing him to other kids, which you should never do. Plus, I'm sure the alphabet is like one of those skills where I figure he's just never going to get it, and then one day he just does.

And maybe I need to stop obsessing over stupid stuff and get more hobbies or something.

The Time Flow Chart

I have this post up at Chicago Moms Blog today. It's about the problem I've been having lately with getting places on time. Basically, I concluded that my problem is that I'm not building in enough time in my plans to accommodate unforeseen toddler antics when we're getting ready to go somewhere. Like, here's an example of my typical line of erroneous thinking:

Okay, so music class starts at 10:15. It takes us 5 minutes to get there, and 3 minutes to walk from the car, so we'll get ready to leave at 10:00 and we'll be fine.

Well, first of all, according to my mom, it always takes at least ten minutes to get anywhere, even to your neighbor's house. But the main problem isn't the drive time, it's the getting-out-the-door time. See, my problem is that I incorrectly assume that the time we get ready to leave the house and the time we pull out of the driveway are the same time. And maybe when you go places without a toddler, those two times are roughly the same, save for in the winter when you need to put on a lot of extra articles of clothing. (But even in the winter, the average adult can put on a coat, hat, gloves, and scarf in about 1-2 minutes.)

But let's use the afore-mentioned music class to provide an example of how getting out the door with a toddler actually breaks down:

10:00: Tell child it's time to leave.
10:00-10:05: Child has tantrum because he doesn't want to go to enriching music class that you paid $54 for, he would rather stay and play with his plastic toys and/or watch the same DVD he's seen 100 times.
10:05-10:10: Getting shoes/outwear on yourself and child, and gathering up belongings.
10:10-10:15: Walking from house to car, which in a two-year-old's world is not a straight, 20-foot path, but rather a circuitous path consisting of several stalling-related side destinations.
10:15-10:17: Getting in carseat
10:17-10:22: Driving
10:22-10:25: Walking extremely short distance at toddler pace from car to room where music class is held.

And note that we are now 10 minutes late for a 45-minute class that costs me $9 per session. Which means, doing the math, we've lost out on $2 worth of class time.

It's not so much the money that frustrates me, because I will have spent that money regardless of whether we're at the class or not. But I just find being late to be really stressful. I am embarrassed. And, in the case of my classes at the gym, I always miss the warm-up, which I think is problematic from a physiological standpoint, but also means I lose 10 minutes of Weight Watchers points-earning time.

And since the stress of lateness is something that can totally be avoided, I decided this week to try the new tactic of the Time Flow Chart. I borrow this term/concept from my dad and stepmom, who are extremely organized and never late to anything. The Time Flow Chart is not so much an actual flow chart with boxes and arrows and stuff (although I guess you could make one like that if, say, one event hinged on whether or not another event happened first). Anyway, my Time Flow Chart is more like a combination of a to-do list and a schedule. So, it would look like this:

7:30: Wake up
7:30-8:00: General Internet surfing
8:00: Get in shower
8:30-9:45: Breakfast, get Nathan ready, fold laundry, pack lunches, make grocery list
9:45: Start getting ready to leave for music class
10:00: Drive to music class
10:15-11:00: Music class
11:00-12:00: grocery shopping

And on and on and on. You get the point. I have broken down each little thing we need to do into several steps, so as to acknowledge that we need prep time for each activity.

My first 4 days Time Flow Charts have gone well. I have definitely eliminated some of the stress of being late.

However, I think writing down every single thing you're going to do and when you're going to do it kind of adds a little stress, too.

First of all, one of the reasons I usually don't make to-do lists is that I think that the act of writing down everything you have to do tends to make you think up more stuff to do than you actually have to get done. You know, like, "While I'm at it, I might as well knock out a few loads of laundry, too."

Second, there's the stress that can be caused by getting off-schedule, which is something I am trying to avoid. Right now my husband's car is broken, which means I have to drop him off and pick him up from the train station. He does not come and go on a fixed schedule, so now I'm adding in the unknowns of his transportation into my perfectly-created, well-planned schedule. (I guess this would be the time to break out the true flow chart-style Time Flow Chart, where subsequent events would flow based on the time that I had to pick up/drop off Husband, but honestly I don't want to think as hard as you would have to in order to make a flow chart like that.) So, I have to try really hard to just let it go when I get off schedule, and to realize that my plans on paper might be too ambitious and unrealistic. Some things get crossed off the schedule because they didn't get done. Or I draw arrows to move an activity from one time to another.

The flip-side is that by knowing everything I have to do in a day, I can sometimes actually get certain activities done earlier than planned. And I have eliminated the stress that comes from those "Oh crap! I forgot I was supposed to _______!" moments.

Oh and by the way, I do build in time for naps and other leisure activities, which is either really healthy or really pathetic (the pathetic part coming from having to write those things down on a to-do list).

I think things are less stressful in terms of Nathan's shenanigans. I'm not freaking out when he throws a tantrum, because I know I have allowed enough time for that. And my calmness actually calms him down, so we aren't just two big balls of stress who feed off each other.

Anyway, so the Time Flow Chart is kind of a mixed bag. But I think for now I'm going to stick with it.

Malled

I love a good mall. Not all malls are good malls. In fact, most malls today kind of suck, having fallen on hard times and now consisting of only undesirable stores. But when you find a good mall ... oh, yeah.

My mall-going started young. My parents used to take me to our local mall, the Santa Anita Fashion Park (now Westfield or Simon or one of those), where I would play in the playground. The playground consisted of animals that were, get this, made of wood. And you climbed on them. The elephant's trunk was also a slide of sorts.

At the mall there was a department store called Buffum's. The cool thing about Buffum's was that it had a tiny little toilet in the bathroom, just for kids. (Like all department stores, Buffum's is now a Macy's.)

As a youth, my favorite stores in the mall were The Expanding Wall (sort of like Hot Topic) and the Hello Kitty store. They were right across from my favorite mall restaurant, La Petite Boulangerie. Ooh, and that mall had a Magic Pan crepe place, which reminds me of a Seinfeld reference ...

Of course, I loved the mall as a young teenager. Honestly, I have no idea why, because it's not like I had a lot of money to spend there. But the mall had a bookstore where I could buy Baby-Sitters Club books, and a music store where I could buy single tapes, and those two stores plus food and candy were enough to make me happy. I don't know what today's teenagers are buying at the mall, because most of the stores these days seem out of their price range. But then, doesn't it seem like today's teenagers somehow have more spending money than we did? And also, doesn't it seem like the mall is not a popular hangout for teenagers anymore?

When I got older and I could drive, I drove to the mall. And my mall obsession continued into adulthood. When I was a single person who had ample time to myself, I would usually go to the mall and do some shopping. I just loved the way the mall was a total experience, with the shopping and the crowds and all the food options.

Now that I'm toting a toddler around, the mall is a different kind of experience, but still a really great one. Now, for the locals reading this, I am referring to the Orland Square mall, not the crap-tastic Lincoln Mall.

I made a trip to the Orland Square mall yesterday. That mall has a playground that is sponsored by the local hospital and, as such, has a medical theme. Kids slide down giant band-aids and climb ambulances, all heavily-padded, of course. Kind of a far cry from the wooden mall animals of my youth. In addition to the playground, the mall has a merry-go-round and a Thomas train you can ride. Plus there are little add-on activities like taking your picture in a photo booth or going to the Lego store. The food court is kind of crappy, but there's a Taco Bell, which makes the average kid happy, and a Baskin-Robbins for dessert. Occasionally you even get to do a little shopping for yourself.

I get giddy just thinking about the mall. It's just such a perfect place for indoor entertainment that it might be the best thing about winter.

But, and there's always a but, I have recently become very frustrated by the growing trend of cart people in the mall. By this I mean people pedaling various wares from carts in the middle of the mall. These poor people must work solely on commission, because they are barking at every single person who comes by. And they argue with you if you say "no thanks" to their offers. Today I had the following exchange with an annoying lady selling straightening irons:

Her: Can I show you my straightening irons?
Me: Oh, no thank you.
Her: Do you straighten your hair?
Me: No.
Her: Why not?
Me: Well, it takes too long, and I have him [gesturing at Nathan].
Her: Our irons don't take long. Why don't you try one?

If you're wondering why I hadn't walked away at that point, it was because I was digging in my purse for a coupon. (The coupon got me a free "panty" at Victoria's Secret. First of all, the word panty is stupid. Second, when I picked out said undergarment, Nathan was sitting in the stroller demanding that he see the one I selected. "Let me see your underwear!" he repeatedly yelled. Yeah.)

So anyway, on my way out of the mall I passed by that straightening iron lady again, and she said, "Hey, Mommy, let me give you my card!" Look, lady, calling me "Mommy" is not earning you any business. Am I your mother? No. Do I want my sole identity to be as "Mommy" to the entire world? No.

Oh, and another guy was selling these weird fake cigarettes that taste and feel like cigarettes, but can be smoked indoors. And then he acted all confused when I told him I didn't smoke. I recently heard that only 20% of people nationwide are smokers. Why is it so shocking to this man when I say I don't smoke?

But, aggressive peddlers aside, yesterday was a good day at the mall. I had coupons for a free pair of underwear and a free $12 body wash from Bath and Body Works. (My favorite scent is Midnight Pomegranate, which I use to make showering at the gym more pleasant.) Plus Nathan and I stuffed a turkey at Build-a-Bear, and I found a $5 off coupon on the counter there, too! So our turkey was only $5! Nathan named him Hogan, after Hogan's Heroes, which my husband watches on a continuous loop on DVD. (In case you haven't heard of this show, it's about these American soldiers who are imprisoned in a German POW camp during WWII. And it's a comedy. Because nothing says hilarious like Nazis.)

Getting back to my day at the mall, I bought myself some purple eye shadow at Sephora. I have always wanted to wear purple eye shadow, but I didn't think I could pull it off with brown eyes. But I think the shade I got is okay. It's a little bit more fun than my normal style of makeup, but I figure it's not like I do anything during the day that requires me to look serious. So tomorrow, I'll be the mom at Tot Time story hour with the fun purple eye shadow!

Dear Sesame Workshop (FKA Children's Television Workshop),

I want to congratulate you on Sesame Street's 40th anniversary! I especially enjoyed the collection of Google logos featuring the Sesame Street characters.

I watched a lot of Sesame Street as a child. My parents took us to see Sesame Street Live. I was so traumatized by the death of Mr. Hooper that I refused to go into my brother's room because there was a newspaper photo of Mr. Hooper in there.

Now that I am a parent, I love Sesame Street. Like all toddlers, my son has Elmo fever, and he gets almost unreasonably excited in the presence of anything featuring Elmo. And I, of course, will shell out money for anything Elmo-related, just to make my son happy.

Each year I dutifully pay $75 to my local PBS station, figuring that if my son watches an average of 1 hour a day of PBS Kids, 5 days a week, the cost of one hour of PBS is roughly 29 cents for me. That is a really good babysitting rate, and I do use TV as a babysitter. How could I take a shower or write blog posts if not for TV?

So, Sesame Street ... love you, love you, love you!

But ... there's just one thing. Is there any way that Elmo could stop referring to himself in the third person? I realize he is designed to be about 3 or 4 years old, and, as such, does not have a master command of grammar and syntax. However, as far as I know, most 3- and 4-year-olds are capable of using the pronoun "I". So maybe Elmo could try it. It would really be a lot less annoying.

I hate to nitpick. Again, I have had many years of enjoyment from your show, both as a child and as a parent. I hope you will be on for many more years.

Happy anniversary!

Sincerely,
Shannon

General Update

My biggest accomplishment last week was that I made it to all 7 of my classes at the gym! Oh sure, I was late to most of them (the exception being the two that start right after another class/workout activity), but better late than never, right? Actually, I really hate being late, and sometimes I consider just skipping the class altogether. But the whole lateness issue is the topic of a post I have brewing for Chicago Moms Blog, and I've been so delinquent on there that they might be kicking me out soon, so I should just shut up and keep my intellectual property to myself now.

I feel pretty good after my week of working out. Let me tell you, though, I am the remedial student in every single class at my gym. (Well, except for aquacize, where I'm fairly competent, but in there I have my own special designation as the one who splashes everybody and once smacked the instructor upside the head during "butterfly arms.") Anyway, in all the other classes I am the one hanging around in the back of class, just trying to do enough of the workout to not get noticed. I mean, I work hard and all, it's just that when I get tired, I never quite get the moves right. Or I'm like three steps behind everybody (reminding me of my days in the high school marching band).

Oh and you, Stupid Teacher's Pet up at the front of the class, you can just suck it with your stupid extra jumps and your ugly headband.

Moving on.

I was in a real funk at the beginning of the week. I think it was related to post-Halloween exhaustion (not so much literal tiredness as just mental exhaustion), as well as Nathan's general post-Halloween crabbiness. So, Monday and Tuesday we mostly hung out at home, with the exception of my gym classes, of course. I just felt off. I wasn't motivated to do my usual chores, or to take Nathan anywhere. I was feeling so unproductive, and I had to start asking myself the series of self-assuring questions I pull out when I'm down on myself: Is anybody in the family starving? Is anybody forced to wear dirty clothes? Have we fallen behind on any of our bills? Thankfully, the answer to all these questions was no.

Still, on Wednesday I felt like I needed to get my groove back. I was sort of foundering on Weight Watchers, as well, and the combination of being holed up in the house and not living up to my usual standards of organization (eating-wise or otherwise) was getting to me. Fortunately Wednesday we had library story hour. I love, love, love the library. It's pretty much our only free, local, indoor entertainment, so I'm going to have to start loving the library even more as winter approaches. Anyway, not too much of note happened at the library, except that Nathan missed most of his story hour due to a tantrum, and I checked out a big cookbook called America's Test Kitchen Family Baking Book.

Yes, I know, I'm a glutton for punishment. Why on earth would anybody who was trying to get back into serious Weight Watchering check out a baking cookbook? I don't know, actually. The pages were just so pretty and glossy and full of the promise of expertly-tested recipes for baked goods.

But I ended up losing 1.2 pounds on Weight Watchers at my weigh-in on Thursday, and that got me all motivated again to not eat baked goods. So on Friday, when my friend Sarah came over and we made the cookbook's Blue Ribbon Apple Pie, I actually gave both our pies away without having a single bite. (The rule I have established for myself is that I can only bake single-entity items such as cakes or pies. If I baked cookies, I would have to taste one or two to make sure they were okay. But with pies, you can't really give them away with a sliver taken out, so that gives me a layer of Weight Watchers protection.)

Also on Friday I went out downtown with my friend. So totally necessary. I dropped out of Weight Watchers for the evening and had the best meal at the Weber Grill. They have these pretzel rolls with cheddar cheese spread ... ohhh, I could make a meal just out of those. Then I had the barbecue chicken, which is good, but only a vehicle to get the garlic mashed potatoes as a side dish. Oh, and we had a big pitcher of sangria. And, in an ironic twist, we had apple pie for dessert.

Yesterday nothing at all of significance happened. Oh wait! I did get about a month's worth of laundry finally put away. (It was folded, just not put away. I just don't see the point of putting away laundry.) But anyway, that was a big accomplishment for me!

Oh and also, Husband and I played Rock Band and SingStar, and I kicked his ass at all singing-based activity. Which is funny, because I'm not a good singer. And plus the cat chose to sit with me, so I had two victories that night.

And now Nathan is watching Wonder Pets and I only have ten more minutes left on my daily schedule designated for "general goofing around," so I should sign off.